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CommanderShepard

CommanderShepard

Edited: 7/26/2013 6:06:17 AM
So I'm listening to this shitty dreamwave dreampop whatever the dick you want to call this Faunts group. And I'm looking at old pictures and messages. And it makes me want to blow my brains out, or just get so drunk I fall asleep, or run away to somewhere cold, I don't know. I feel so alone. I look at these old messages, pictures and the people in them. And it's all gone. I miss my friends. I'd do anything to have them back. But time and distance have led them to move on. And yet I haven't. I'm all alone again, like before high school. The only people talking to me are girls who just want to sleep with me. A few weeks ago I started seriously trying to quit alcohol. But it wasn't really about me. I don't give a damn about myself anymore, drink is an escape. I just wanted to get an old friend of mine who had gone off to college to speak to me. After I told her I didn't believe in god, we fell out of touch. No, I don't think it was coincidence. I hoped if I told her about my problem, that I was trying to clean up, she'd care again. Maybe be proud. She was supportive, for a bit. But fell out of touch again. This weekend I actually drank again, just so I'd have an excuse to talk to her, not because I needed it. And as I look at these pictures and messages I realize how little I mean to these old friends, and how much they mean to me. I feel so small, now. Like I'm nothing. And I don't see the point anymore. What have I got to look forward to? My favorite band comes to my state in September. And that's it. I have nothing. I'm worth nothing to anyone. Even online I'm just some annoying shitposter. I don't see a point in anything anymore. I need a point. I want something to make life worth it. I don't know why I'm making this thread. What I expect to get out of a gaming forum. But this is really the best I can think of. Help me?

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