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10/5/2012 1:32:22 PM
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[Fan-fic] Enter Team Snow :: Part I, II and III [In Progress]

[b][u]PART I[/u][/b] He could barely hear a thing except from the ringing and the muffled sounds of shouting and gunfire. It was Aelason's first mission with Team Snow and already things were going sour. Team Snow were supposed to be on a recon mission, an "easy job for the new guy" their CO had said, but he was now dead when the M831 Transport Warthog took a plasma grenade to the belly. The resulting explosion had left the Warthog flipped onto its side and with more than a quarter of Team Snow out of action either dead or unconcious. Aelason slowly began to realise that he was being dragged away from the fighting and into the forest nearby. He looked up at the person dragging him and saw that it was a woman. Figures. Sarah was always the first to pull his arse out of the fire when it got too close, even in training when they were both rookies she was always looking after him even when he didn't need it. But he was grateful for her being at his side all of the time, he knew that if the team ever fell apart he could always rely on her. Sarah dropped Aelason on the forest floor and asked if he was alright. Aelason's ears were still ringing, he couldn't hear a word she was saying but he knew that she could understand him so he said, "I'm fine. Ears are still ringing. I've no idea what you're saying". Sarah nodded to show Aelason that she understood what he had said and she handed him her Magnum, nodded once again and ran off back to the fight. Aelason looked at the Magnum and noticed it was the M6I version. He slowly sat up, looked around, crawled to the nearest tree and rested his back on it. There were no other people with him and his hearing seemed to be getting better for he could hear things more clearly. He felt a sudden wave of anger, he wanted to rejoin the fight, to get back at the ambushers but felt it was best to just stay out of the way for now. The last thing Team Snow needed was a distraction in the middle of a firefight against the Covenant. SNAP! Aelason spun his head round so fast he felt his neck click. Something was snapping the twigs on the ground and it sounded like it was getting closer. Breathing very quietly Aelason raised the M6I Magnum to his chest and waited for the source of the noise to get closer. Aelason poked his head ever-so-slightly round the tree and saw a big blue hoof of an Elite Minor. 'A scout' thought Aelason as he withdrew his head. He was thankful that the Elite Minor hadn't seen him otherwise he wouldn't have a head to withdraw. He needed to take the Elite out but he didn't have a clue on how he was going to do it. No matter what move he made the Elite would surely see him and he would be dead within seconds; he had to come up with a plan, something that wouldn't involve killing him in the process. He closed his eyes and began to think up of a plan whilst listening to the Elites heavy hooves snap the twigs on the ground. It took a full minute before he had come up with a plan: he would have to strike from the shadows or at least strike quickly if that didn't work. All he needed was something to distract the Elite long enough for him to make his move. And that something came almost immediately after his wish. Another explosion sounded from the battle which drew the Elite Minor's attention for a short second but it was enough for Aelason to strike. Coming out from the cover of the tree Aelason fired the M6I Magnum at the Elite's hoof. The Elites shields flared as the bullet impacted on them and Aelason withdrew once again behind the tree. The Elite had his shields activated, his plan had failed and all he had to do now was wait for the blow that would indeed come. He heard the Elite roar in rage and the hissing sound as he drew his energy sword and Aelason felt the blade plunge through the tree. Aelason felt the white hot energy of the blade singe his hair as the sword narrowly missed the top of his head. Thinking on instinct he quickly got up and tackled the Elite Minor to the ground and he heard the energy sword deactivate but he never heard the handle hit the forest floor. The Elite roared in rage once agin as Aelason tried to pin the Elites arms down to the ground but the Elite was too strong and with Aelason in his weakened state he couldn't do much as the Elite headbutted him. Aelason let go of the Elite Minors arms feeling a bit dazed and the Elite struck once again this time punching Aelason in the stomach. Aelason felt the wind get knocked out of him and then he felt the Elite pick him up and throw him on the ground and Aelason heard the Elite Minor reactivate its energy sword. This was it. He was going to die. He didn't have the strength to move. He heard a burst of fire, silence and then another burst. Aelason heard the Elite Minor's shields flare as the bullets impacted on its shields and he heard the Elite roar in rage as it turned to face its new attacker. Aelason turned his head slightly and saw Sarah and three Orbital Drop Shock Troopers suddenly form a firing line and open fired on the charging the Elite. The Elite Minor was persistent too say the least; even as its shields had dropped and its body was absorbing the bullets being fired at it it was still charging in their direction. Sarah took a few steps back as she reloaded and the ODSTs did the same but the Elite was right in front of them now. The Elite Minor swung its energy sword, cutting an ODSTs battle rifle in half. The ODST swung his fist and as it connected with the Elites head another ODST aimed his battle rifle at the Elite and fired. The Elite Minor recoiled as the bullets hit it and then the body slumped to the floor with purple blood oozing out onto the orange-brown leaves that lay on the forest floor. Sarah stepped over the dead Elites body and approached Aelason. When she got to him she bent down, picked him up and said "You love finding trouble don't you?" "I don't find trouble, trouble finds [i]me[/i]" Aelason protested as he pushed her away so he could stand on his own two feet. "Either way it is best if we [i]try[/i] to avoid it. I don't think we can handle another ambush like that" Sarah said as she handed Aelason his ODST helmet. "Casualties?" Aelason asked putting on his helmet. "Half of Team Snow is dead either from the ambush or the battle which followed soon after and whoever's left is either wounded or running low on ammo" Sarah replied, also putting on her helmet. "Do we know how they managed to pull the ambush off?" Aelason asked as they joined the three other ODSTs. "We ain't got a goddamn clue" replied one of the ODSTs. "You didn't think of trying to keep at least one alive?" "All we know is they ambushed us, we fought back and we won. The Covenant that didn't die fled when they saw their numbers dwindle past our own". "I guess their ambush didn't go as planned then" one of the other two ODSTs said. "Well lets get back to the ambush site and call for evac. Gather those that aren't tending to the wounded and have them secure the area. We don't want any Covenant scouts spying on us" Sarah said to the three ODSTs and they all made their way through the forest too the edge and up to the ambush site. The ambush site was a wreck. The M831 Transport Warthog was still the wrong way up but the flames had long died out. Surrounding it were the dead ODSTs who had either been unfairly caught in the Warthog explosion or had died defending the wounded. Just a few feet away from the ambush site were the rest of the survivors of Team Snow. The ones who were wounded were either sitting up or laying down with other members of the team tending to their injuries. Sarah and the three ODSTs moved away too the rest of the team; the ODSTs gathered those who were available and they set off in the forest to secure it whilst Sarah went straight to the radio which was salvaged from the Warthog. Aelason looked at the various dead Covenant soldiers about a quarter of a mile from the ambush site, maybe he could find some clues on the bodies. It wouldn't hurt to have a look, after all, it looked like they were going to be here some time. "Kilo One-One this is Sergeant Major Redorov of Team Snow, do you copy?" Aelason heard Sarah say on the radio as he walked over too the dead Covenant bodies. "How did you know we were here?" he muttered as he looked at a dead Zealot. It didn't make sense; what was a Zealot doing here, and where were the others? Was it abandoned along with its squad? Aelason crouched down next to the body. So many questions but not enough answers. He looked over at the two grunts lying face down in a pool of their own blue blood. They had obviously died whilst trying to flee the battle, unfortunately for them it seemed that the retreat didn't work and they got peppered with bullets. He heard someone approaching him, turned his head to see that it was Sarah and when she was near him she asked "Find anything interesting?" "No" Aelason said standing up "That's the odd thing about this whole scene. We have a dead zealot as well as a few other Elites as well as the handful of grunts and a few dead jackels but what doesn't make sense is that Elite Zealot. Where is the rest of its squad?" "Aren't zealots supposed to be alone then?" Sarah asked, looking at Aelason. "It's not common to find a zealot working alone" Aelason said "On occasions they are in a group under the leadership of a field marshall which is the groundside equivalent to what they call a shipmaster or a supreme commander". "Right. So where are the others?" Sarah asked looking at the forest. "Exactly. I can't help but wonder if another attack is coming. They fled when our numbers started to outgrow their own but now they would've had the chance to regroup and coordinate a more effective attack from the most obvious place possible". Aelason looked at Sarah and then she understood. "The forest?" she said "They're going to strike again from the forest?" [Edited on 10.31.2012 11:50 AM PDT]
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  • Well i suggest you break it down into smaller pieces. My early stories were too huge full of text so i learned to keep it broken down to. Find a good point when you are speaking so people do not loose interest or there eye sight. Looking back on a few of my stories especially [b]Dark of Intent[/b] one and two i plan on doing a third but wanted to finish one last story before i went on with it. Anyways my point was that to keep others interested try to give the reader not walls of text but break it down further. This is constructive criticism. So find a point in the tempo of the story. Or when some one fishishes speaking. Space it out a bit more. Also the forum does not adjust to certain things so you might have to adjust it manually. No matter how well written it is no one wants to read walls of text. Thanks for understanding. [Edited on 10.26.2012 11:28 AM PDT]

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