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6/8/2010 1:51:57 AM
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Countdown [unchaptered story] ***Long Read

"ATTENTION. ALL PASSENGERS DESIRING TO VIEW THE FINAL CHAPTER ARE ADVISED TO GO TO THE VIEWING AREA AT THIS TIME. PLEASE PROCEED TO THE VIEWING AREA IN A CALM, ORDERLY FASHION. MIND THOSE AROUND YOU AS YOU LEAVE YOUR CABINS AND ENTER THE VIEWING AREA. THANK YOU FOR YOUR COOPERATION." Jack numbly sat up in his bed. He groggily wiped at his tired eyes and looked around. It took him a few slow moments to realize he was in a cabin of the gigantic ship that was taking him and hundreds of other people into space. As his vision cleared, the figures of his wife and daughter gradually came into focus. They were sitting in chairs at the dining table. "Hey," he called to them. "I'm up." "Daddy!" Jack's daughter said excitedly as she jumped down from her chair. The seven-year-old ran over to her father and gave him a small hug. Pulling away, she grinned as he pet the top of her head with his hand. "Morning, Annie, sweetheart," Jack said to her. He looked over at his wife, who was still sitting at the table. She was smiling at the sight of her husband and daughter, but Jack could see an overtone of pain in her expression. "Morning, Liz," he said. He knew it probably wasn't morning, but he said it out of habit anyway. "Hey, babe," Liz said with a resigned sigh. She rose from her chair and walked over to Jack and Annie. "Are we going to go?" "What?" Jack asked, but a second later he remembered the announcement that had awoken him. "Uh, sure. I guess." He got out of the bed and walked toward the door. Through the small glass window he could see the stream of people moving through the hallway just outside. He looked down at his daughter, who had appeared by his side. Calmly, he took her hand. Annie looked up at her father inquisitively. "Where are we going now?" she asked. Jack didn't have the heart to tell his daughter what was really going on, so he tried to stay as vague as possible. "We're going where all those other people are going," he said. "We're going to see a movie. Keep hold of my hand and Mommy's hand, and call for help if we get separated. All right, sweetie?" Annie smiled, reassured. "Okay, Daddy." Liz took Annie's other hand and opened the door with her free hand. The family walked out into the hallway, where the rest of the passengers were still moving. Jack closed the door behind them as they left. Then the three of them walked down the hallway, following the crowd. Jack tried to see where they were all going, but to no avail. There were too many people in the way. He felt an accidental nudge against his shoulder, but he was too preoccupied to care. He was concentrated only on walking through the hallway. His right hand was grasping his daughter's small, warm fingers. His other hand was cold and empty. His feet moved rhythmically as he walked down the long hallway. In the background, he could hear the faint hum of the spaceship. Voices around him were talking. They were saying things that he couldn't be bothered to understand. After a minute or so, Jack and his family finally reached the end of the hallway and entered the viewing area -- a large room filled with chairs arranged in rows for the people to sit in. An enormous blank screen took up most of the opposite wall of the room. Above it, there was a much smaller screen that showed the numbers of a digital clock counting down. Already, most of the rows of chairs were filled with anxious audience members. The room buzzed with the conversation of people who seemed like they were about to watch a regular movie at a regular theater. Moving carefully, Jack guided his family to a group of three seats near the back of the theater-like room. As he sat down with them, he noticed the lights on the ceiling that would be dimmed once it was time to begin the viewing. Ordinarily, he would have felt fine about watching an in-flight movie. But this was no ordinary film. It made Jack sick to think that something like this was going to be made into a spectacle for people to watch. But deep in his mind, he had to admit that if people wanted to see, they should have the right to. Annie fidgeted in her seat. "When's it gonna start?" she asked rather loudly. "Shh," Liz quieted her daughter. "It'll start when it starts." "But why do we have to wait so long?" Jack clutched Annie's hand, and she looked at him for an explanation. He made an effort to comfort her. "Just be patient, honey. The big clock up there will tell us when it's time." "Oh." Annie seemed to notice the countdown screen for the first time. Jack looked up at it, too. There were two minutes and thirty-nine seconds left on the timer. Thirty-eight. Thirty-seven. Jack couldn't think of much to say or do, except to sigh and wait. After a short while, he heard his wife speak in his direction. "Jack..." Liz began uneasily. "I... I really wish..." she broke off and began weeping, leaving her unfinished sentence echoing around inside Jack's head. "I know. So do all of us," Jack heard himself say. Somehow he could still speak reassuringly, even though he needed some reassuring of his own. He would've chuckled at the irony but for the tears in his dear wife's eyes. All he could do was watch as she dabbed at them with a tissue she produced from her pocket. He felt more words coming out of his mouth. "Don't worry, Liz. No matter what happens, Annie and I still love you." Which was true, but Jack still had his mind on everything else at the moment. "I love you too," said Liz. At that moment, the lights began to dim. The room grew deathly quiet. The countdown timer reached two minutes and zero seconds just as the lights completely turned off. Everything was dark and silent for a few tense seconds. Then, the large screen flickered to life, showing a middle-aged man in a white uniform. His head and shoulders were visible, and he was sitting in a chair facing the camera. "And now, a message from your captain," said someone offscreen. The man on the screen spoke calmly, but a twinge of sadness came through in his voice as he made his speech. "Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to thank all of you for joining together on this day. God knows we can't go on without you." He paused and looked down, feeling the gravity of the situation. He breathed and looked back at the camera. "This journey is the first of its kind. You were all chosen to be the new beginning. But first, we must finish the final chapter of our old, tired story." Another pause. "I'm sure you know what it is that you're about to see. I can't imagine how hard it is for any of you to go through this, but I speak for myself when I say that this is the saddest day of my life. May God rest the souls of those who remain on Earth and cannot be with us as we begin anew. "Now, take one last minute to say your goodbyes. Remember everything about the world you once knew. This is the end, my friends." The screen awkwardly cut to black before lighting back up with a view of Earth from space. Many people in the audience burst into tears; this was not the beautiful world that they had known in the past. The textbook Earth was green and blue, with swirling white clouds. The planet on the screen looked immensely different. The oceans, or what appeared to be oceans, were a horrifying mixture of diseased brown and sickly black. The landmasses were concrete gray in the vast urban areas and yellow-brown in the rest. A few tiny patches of green could be seen here and there, but they were insignificant next to the wide expanses of desertified or urbanized land. The clouds were an ugly blend of pale green and dark gray. Jack winced at the sight of the unfamiliar Earth. He looked over at Annie and Liz. The little girl was staring in wonder at the big screen, but Liz had her face in her hands. Jack couldn't help but sympathize. Even he had a tough time accepting the fact that Mother Earth was on her deathbed. Seeing his home in shambles was one thing for Jack, but the timer was still ticking. The missiles would be launched in sixty seconds. If only it didn't have to end like this.
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  • Fifty-nine. Fifty-eight... Jack's mind flashed back to his time on Earth. He could remember his childhood quite well, having grown up in the tangled concrete mess called Manhattan. So young and innocent, he had no idea what was really going on outside his own little world. Fifty-five. Fifty-four... From the beginning, it was all wrong. Jack remembered learning about it in human history class. The parasite spread across the entire world and began to build a home for itself, eating away at the host. Without knowing it, the first people lit a time bomb that would continue to tick for thousands of years. No one cared enough to stop it. Fifty. Forty-nine... Years passed. Jack saw the world grow ever more unstable. Mighty earthquakes ravaged the land in places across the globe. People lost their homes, lost their family members, lost everything. People barely escaped with their lives. Entire cities were demolished by the twitching of the Earth's crust. Every once in a while, one of the national superpowers would give aid to a poorer nation suffering from the disaster, but cases of this became rarer and rarer. Jack couldn't ever feel anything but disappointment. It turned out that the worst tragedies were not the actual earthquakes, but the refusal of the world powers to care for any nations other than themselves. Forty-three. Forty-two... Jack's thoughts moved back to New York City. Despite the pale gray superstructures that had become worldwide symbols of modernity and progress, the skyscrapers could not hide the growing amount of people living on the streets. And the Big Apple wasn't even the worst of it. Jack remembered going on a business trip to Miami a couple years back. While he was there, he saw an atrocious amount of filth and poverty on his way through a not-so-well-off neighborhood. Perhaps even more striking was the lack of wealth in the poorer nations of the world. Though he had never been to those countries to see them firsthand, Jack had always wished that things could be better for them. But what could he do? He was just a man. Thirty-six. Thirty-five... The worst thing Jack could remember about the world was some of the people he came into contact with or heard about on a daily basis. It seemed to him that on the whole, the typical person's sense of morality was deteriorating. People were committing hate crimes, killing each other, abusing illegal drugs, and doing countless other things that made Jack just shake his head in distaste. It was disgusting how people behaved the way they did without caring what the consequences were. Whatever happened to the collective conscience? What was making people stray from paths of honor and dignity and choose paths of destruction? Why was society turning into some kind of monster? Nothing made sense to Jack anymore, least of all the monster that was war. The parasite could never stop fighting its own kind for control of the host. No matter the reason why, there was always some sort of bloody conflict rearing its ugly head. Machine guns and tanks were always on parade in "enemy" territory somewhere. Every second that passed, on average, meant that another man, woman, or child was dead. And sure enough, it was a nuclear war bombing that was going to kill the planet. Ridiculous. What were people fighting for? Peace? Thirteen. Twelve... Jack snapped back into reality as he heard the noise around him increase. Everyone in the room seemed to be wailing and sobbing and crying over their Earth's imminent destruction. Jack noticed his wife doing her best to keep herself from losing it, but her expression reminded him of a dam that was about to burst. He looked at Annie, who appeared to be completely engrossed in the movie screen. She had no idea what was really going on outside her own little world. Jack almost wished he could be her. Eight. Seven. Six... Jack sighed heavily. He looked back over at the screen to see Earth's last moments. The final chapter was coming to an end, after all those years of undeserved pain and suffering. "Goodbye," he whispered, his voice shaking. "We'll miss you." Three. Two... One. Just as the timer expired, everyone immediately became silent. Earth remained intact for a second, but in another second it was all over. There was a blinding flash as the planet was presumably destroyed in the unimaginably massive nuclear explosion. As the light faded, the people watching could see the large fragments of brown rock drifting away from each other. The oceans had instantly evaporated, the very air had combusted, and every single person, plant, and animal caught in the blast had been completely eradicated. The audience watched as their entire world fell apart in front of their eyes. The explosion made no sound at all, being muted by the vacuum of space. But, inside Jack's head, he could hear the billions of people screaming until they were silenced. He could hear them praying to God to be saved from certain death. He could see them sleeping in their beds or living their miserable lives, still somehow unaware of the fact that they were about to die. But they were all gone now. The giant screen cut to black once more, and the lights came on. The countdown timer stayed lit for a few seconds before turning off. The audience had begun to cry again. Jack felt a tear roll down his cheek. Annie looked at her father and yawned. "That was pretty, but it was really kinda boring," she said unenthusiastically. "Can we go home now?" Liz burst into tears. Jack just shook his head.

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  • That was a powerfull beginning! I felt every emotion their! The thought of leaving somebody behind on our dying planet it horrific! AMAZING JOB!

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  • Ahh, thanks. Though it ended up being a lot longer than I thought it would be... >_>

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  • [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] Rampant Tragedy Ahh, thanks. Though it ended up being a lot longer than I thought it would be... >_>[/quote] Lol. I didnt care about the length. BTW I posted chapter 6 a wile ago!

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  • PEOPLE MUST READ THIS!!!!!

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  • Wow, that was pretty good. Even though you said it was long, I didn't really notice it b/c it was so good! So, are the main characters on some sort of spaceship, watching Earth's destruction?

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  • [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] Ramen 6378 Wow, that was pretty good. Even though you said it was long, I didn't really notice it b/c it was so good! So, are the main characters on some sort of spaceship, watching Earth's destruction?[/quote]Thanks! And yeah, they are. Glad I didn't have to explicitly state it in the story.

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  • You used such vivid detail of how Earth went to hell. I chould paint a picture of it all in my head.

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  • There was no word for it, other than "EPIC/AWESOME/SUPERB!!!"

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  • Starting to sound like a broken record here, but thank you all very much! Now, if I could get an audience of more than three people......

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  • Same here! I get the acasional new reader. But I guess its all the kids in the Flood.

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  • [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] Rampant Tragedy Starting to sound like a broken record here, but thank you all very much! Now, if I could get an audience of more than three people......[/quote] HAHA! Oh, wait...

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  • [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] Rampant Tragedy Starting to sound like a broken record here, but thank you all very much! Now, if I could get an audience of more than three people......[/quote] Yeah, that happens to me too. When I started my story, I got tons of viewers. Now, I only get the same few :(

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  • [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] Ramen 6378 [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] Rampant Tragedy Starting to sound like a broken record here, but thank you all very much! Now, if I could get an audience of more than three people......[/quote] Yeah, that happens to me too. When I started my story, I got tons of viewers. Now, I only get the same few :([/quote]I guess people get a little turned off by the fact that stories can get so long. In my case, it's over 2400 words.

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  • Nice storyline. Very original. 9.998/10. :D

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  • [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] Rampant Tragedy [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] Ramen 6378 [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] Rampant Tragedy Starting to sound like a broken record here, but thank you all very much! Now, if I could get an audience of more than three people......[/quote] Yeah, that happens to me too. When I started my story, I got tons of viewers. Now, I only get the same few :([/quote]I guess people get a little turned off by the fact that stories can get so long. In my case, it's over 2400 words.[/quote] Lol, the biggest chapter I wrote was around 1500 (Chapter 4).

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  • [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] Fear Phobia Nice storyline. Very original. 9.998/10. :D[/quote]You're too kind. Nice to see I'm only two one-thousandths away from perfection.

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  • [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] Rampant Tragedy [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] Fear Phobia Nice storyline. Very original. 9.998/10. :D[/quote]You're too kind. Nice to see I'm only two one-thousandths away from perfection.[/quote] I am your first random poster, and not a frequent fan! Unlike COUGH*points to Ramen 6378*COUGH lol.

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  • [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] Fear Phobia I am your first random poster, and not a frequent fan! Unlike COUGH*points to Ramen 6378*COUGH lol.[/quote]Achievement unlocked...?

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  • [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] Rampant Tragedy [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] Fear Phobia I am your first random poster, and not a frequent fan! Unlike COUGH*points to Ramen 6378*COUGH lol. [/quote]Achievement unlocked...?[/quote] Huh?

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  • [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] Fear Phobia [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] Rampant Tragedy [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] Fear Phobia I am your first random poster, and not a frequent fan! Unlike COUGH*points to Ramen 6378*COUGH lol. [/quote]Achievement unlocked...?[/quote]Huh?[/quote]I meant I was asking if I got an achievement for getting my first random poster. Never mind if you don't get it. Anyway, guys, thanks for telling me how good my story is, but I need you to do something more important. Tell me what I could improve on to make my writing better.

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  • A little bit random, but I thought the parasite was actually a real parasite.

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  • [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] Fear Phobia A little bit random, but I thought the parasite was actually a real parasite.[/quote]Haha. Not quite. I intended it as a little allegory/metaphor for humanity, with Earth as the host.

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  • Actually, I can't think of anything to improve your writing. I guess you could make more use of bolds and italics. Like when the seconds were counting down, you could italicize the seconds to separate it from the main narrative. But that's all I can think of. Are you going to make more chapters?

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  • [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] Rampant Tragedy [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] Fear Phobia A little bit random, but I thought the parasite was actually a real parasite.[/quote]Haha. Not quite. I intended it as a little allegory/metaphor for humanity, with Earth as the host.[/quote] Yeah, I got that at around the end. Heh heh... *awkward silence*

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  • [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] Ramen 6378 Actually, I can't think of anything to improve your writing. I guess you could make more use of bolds and italics. Like when the seconds were counting down, you could italicize the seconds to separate it from the main narrative. But that's all I can think of. Are you going to make more chapters?[/quote]I never use bold. I italicize things if I want to put emphasis on them. It just so happened that I didn't need to put emphasis on anything in this story. I thought about putting the numbers in italics, but it seemed extremely cliché to me. It'd also seem a little unnatural to see a bunch of non-consecutive numbers being formatted as if they were consecutive. This story is finished. Didn't I say it was unchaptered? Haha.

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