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Reptilian Rob

Reptilian Rob

5/7/2010 4:18:00 AM
So, there I was, gimlet eyes staring blankly at the work piled up on my desk. It was laughing, condemning my sloth, judging my every mouse click whispering "finish, finish your work before you indulge yourself on the internet". As always, I ignored it, staring at my computer screen with fond memories of past post and past discussions with the fine members of this community. That is when I stumbled upon the Holy Grail, the enlightenment of a thousands suns touched my eyes and mind, and the truth flowed forward from it's piercing rays. It was, the "Halo Reach Beta" forum. So much truth spewed out in a vast tide, like rushing waters, it was hard to contemplate! I then realized, that these users, these "Gods of Halo" were right all along! Perhaps this truth could be carried over from a game, to a forum! And now, I will enlighten all of you to what I have witnessed, so it may too enlighten your minds and touch your soul, perhaps making this community even better! They call it, "Pro". To be "Pro" we must accomplish the following. 1. First off, the community needs to realize the value of power threads. These "power threads" hold vast quantities of power and must be seized at all costs. "Power Threads" are capable of "one hit posts", something that is to be revered in the eyes of those worthy! However, many other users, not apart of this community will rush the "power threads", trying to steal their precious power from us! We must hold strong, as to hold supreme control of this site in order to sieze these "power threads"! The plan of attack is as followed, rush for these "power threads" the first glimpse you catch of them, rush them with such great fury you completely and utterly disregard all others in your path, even if it means sacrificing the entire community! These "power threads" must be seized for great justice! ----------------------------------------------------------- 2. The "Halo Reach Beta" forum was also so kind as to share the secret of ever lasting dominance of this entire site, something so utterly destructive the very word sends chills down the spine, and men go mad with fear. This incredible secret lies within the almighty "Battle Ruffle". This magical tool is able to "three burt shot" posts with such accuracy and speed it is almost godly. It also has the unique ability to defeat the mighty "bridge troll" in just four meer bursts of holy fire. Indeed, this "Battle Ruffle" must be learned as fast as possible and MUST REMAIN THE ONLY TOOL IN OUR ARSENAL OF POSTS! Abandon all other means of posting and forget about any other means of forum enjoyment! The "Battle Ruffle" is the only forum posting weapon to be used, and if you attempt to use anything else you will be banished and looked down upon forever more. ----------------------------------------------------------- 3. 50, yes, the numeral 50. From this moment on all members, to truly enjoy this community, must remark that they are "A 50" in ever forum on this site. Any lower of a number, and your life and B.net enjoyment is utterly meaningless. Example is as followed. "Fine member, I would have you know that I am "A 50" in the "Halo 3" forum, so be gone with you, for you are only a slum 30, not worthy of my time, FOOL!" Doing so will boost this community to such high praise we will be revered throughout the land as saviors and true champions. ------------------------------------------------------------ 4. To truly be a forum master, you must use something called "verbal assaulting". Truly, this is the only way for this community to reach salvation and must be done regularly to assert our fury and righteous reign over the land. At every turn, you must use the foulest and most degrading "verbal assaults" this site has ever witnessed. You must state that you are "a team player", but this is just a clever lie to hide your true nature! "Verbally assaulting" those that are below you is a fine way to represent this community and must be done often to ensure your ego and worth are validated! Do not temp yourself to be kind, for you must stay strong and fierce with your "verbal assaulting" skills. Doing so empowers the entire community and represents us all in a positive light, no matter what others may say. The fools that doubt this power will be cast down into the flames of the "noob pit" as the "Halo Reach Beta" forum explained to me, in great detail I might add! 5. Finally, there is something so devastating, that I dare not mention it, but I must for the good of our community and friendship. There is a great power called "Clutch Victory", in which there is no escape. Every time you post, and you feel as though a ban awaits you, you must run and capture your forum posting objective, faster than those fiends can ban you! This is a "Clutch Victory" and no forum moderator can withstand it's holy fire and righteous judgment. All moderator staff with cower before you, as you trample them with the divine "Clutch Victory" with which you wield. Not even the dreaded "employee" can touch your effigy when you are in a "Clutch Victory" moment. You will dance past all opposition as you capture every single forum objective, giving quater to no man! ------------------------------------------------------------ So, use these tools that I have brought back from the "Halo Reach Beta" forum! Use them well and we will be victorious over all opposition! For this is the way of the "Pro", and the way of the "Pro" is truly the path to both victory and salvation. [Edited on 05.07.2010 9:27 AM PDT]

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