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7/22/2005 3:41:10 AM
Jimmy and Bobby stumbled through the raging woods. The tangle of vines and monkey-limbs was hell to cut through with their tiny machete, but their chainsaw made short work of them. They came to an overpass to a creek, and stopped to rest. "We've been lost in the rainforest for six days..." said Bobby. "Yea, no -blam!-, Sherlock. I've been right beside you the whole time. What, do you think I didn't notice?" replied Jimmy. "Shut up, you big jerk. You're a big jerk! You know what you are... you're a big jerk!" Jimmy stared at Bobby for a few seconds, then shook his head and walked away. As Jimmy was walking up the creek, something caught his eye. It was small, and hard to notice, but when Jimmy got closer, he could tell what it was. "Why is there a high-way in the middle of the rainforest?" Jimmy asked. "Oh, I knew it was there. But I always get antsy on high-ways. I think it's because I'm always afraid of passing other drivers at that speed..." Bobby was interrupted by the hammer thrown at his skull by Jimmy. Jimmy proceeded towards the high-way, leaving Bobby's bleeding corpse in the river. As Jimmy approached the highway, he noticed it was a lot smaller than it seemed. In fact, it was a Hot-Wheels track strung from tree-to-tree. Jimmy cursed at the toy cars zooming by every few seconds. A moment later, a trap door opened beneath Jimmy's feet, and he fell into a black pit. He hit the bottom very hard, and was knocked unconscious. --------------------------------(pointless separation bar made of hyphens)-------------------------- When Jimmy awoke, he was hit on the head and put back to sleep. -----------------------------------------------(more hyphens)------------------------------------------------- This time, Jimmy awoke, and was not hit with a blunt object. He looked around. The entire room was pitch-black. Everything was consumed in darkness. The air in the room stung his eyes, as if it where solid and pressing against them. When the blind-fold was removed, Jimmy was staring into the eyes of an ape. It's eyes where green and gleaming from an unknown source of light. The monkey pressed its lips against his, and stuck its tongue inside his mouth. An elderly man pulled the monkey away. "Damn pervert chimp! Who let you in?" the man looked back at Jimmy "Sorry about that. I assure you, it won’t happen again... or... at least from the monkeys." "You sicko! Let me go!" "What? I was referring to the Orcas! They like to kiss! Oh, yes, sorry about the rope." The man untied Jimmy. "My name is Dr. Coolio. I was raised in this laboratory, and I shall die here." Jimmy, ignoring the old fart, looked around the room. It was more of a cave, rather than a room, and the walls where paved with metal machines, each with flickering lights and tons of buttons. "What are those for?" Jimmy gestured towards the machines. "Those are my nightlights." The skeleton-esque man walked Jimmy to what appeared to be a computer, but it was curved in a weird way, and it had some sort of foreign logo on the monitor. "This, is an Apple computer." explained the geezer. Jimmy stared in awe as the foreign logo came onto the screen, then flashed to a desktop screen, featuring many half-naked cheer-leaders. The old man clicked on a file titled "My PlAnS!!!11!". It opened up a complex series of numbers and symbols. He then typed "Speak english, you -blam!- retard" and the numbers/symbols became words and pictured of dancing chickens. "For years, I have been working on the most powerful weapon that will destroy every living creature on the face of the planet. The purpose will be to stop world hunger and bring the world to peace somehow." explained the "past-his-prime" man. "Seriously... are you retarded? Or just mad?" Jimmy asked. "Mad." He replied. "Oh. Ok." Jimmy walked towards the exit. "Wait! Now that you've seen my plans, you must die!" The wrinkly guy yelled. "Then why the hell did you bring me here in the first place?" Asked Jimmy. "SILENCE!" He yelled, long after Jimmy had finished speaking. "Because of your renegade ways, young man, you will have to fight my army of monkeys!" Suddenly, a group of monkeys jumped out from behind the night-lights. There where more than Jimmy could count, and all three of them where coming straight for him. Jimmy pulled out a pistol, and fired it into the air. The monkeys scattered. "Balls! I mean Blast! You have managed to scare off my army! Now, WE MUST KUNG-FU!" The ageing male ripped off his lab-coat, revealing a karate uniform and alot of chest hair. He ran at Jimmy, screaming and spitting. Without hesitation, Jimmy shot the man in the shin. "OW!! -blam!- -blam!- -blam!-! MY LEG!! Well -blam!- this! I’m getting my suit of armor!" The nearly-deceased-from-age man pressed a button on the wall, and a suit of armor lowered down on top of him. He proceeded to run at Jimmy. Jimmy ducked out of the way, and slammed his fist into the suit's back. A loud alarm began to ring from the suit. "No! How did you know my only weakness was my enchanted Self-Destruct button?!?" Yelled the "I'm-out-of-ways-to-call-him-old" man. "Now, we will both die TOGETHER!" A few seconds later, the suit exploded. Jimmy, who had begun leaving right after punching the man, was now a a long ways away from the secret-hidden-lab. Using the payphone outside, Jimmy called for a cab. He rode home safely, only to be electrocuted from sticking his finger in a toaster. END!! [Edited on 7/21/2005]

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