This year while you are sleeping in your tower suites bathing in glimmer and awoken betches, please spare a thought for those less fortunate. Meet Greg the homeless Dreg. Like many other Fallen he spend his days roaming around the Cosmodrome, looking for anything to eat. He explains his plight "I volunteered with the other Fallen to come to earth, thinking we'd be in vegas, but no it's bldy Chernobyl, I wanted to live in Caesar's. They said there would be jobs, but no one can get a job. It’s hard and we have to sleep in a rusty old Plane. There was a nice little room that some of us used to live in, but a Hive Knight and his friends kicked us out, as we couldn’t afford the rent. What's worse is I get shot at every day when I'm trying to collect Spinmetal for my family and then they steal it. What are we going to eat?".
He also disputed guardian propaganda that the fallen are invading earth. “We all live in one square mile in the worst part of Russia you can imagine and that’s up against stiff competition. I can’t even get Netflix out here. Have you ever seen fallen anywhere else on earth?”
Life has been made worse by persistent guardian attacks. Especially to the Spider Walker farming project “The guardian’s call them Devil walkers, this is a sick joke. We keep on dropping them in to fertilise the fields, but they keep on blowing them up. That’s another week without food for some of us”.
Then while we were doing this interview some devastating news hit us. His wife Vivienne the Vandal and his children had been murdered “She was out taking the kids to the old skywatch to look at the rusty cars and then three guardians appeared out of nowhere shot her and the kids in the head, robbed their engrams and glimmer and sped off before anyone could get their bikes licence plates. She was a level 6 and they were 31’s, she didn’t stand a chance. I’m sorry I need to be alone?”.
Now for Greg the Cosmodrome is a lonely place. He just spends his days wondering around the broken planes, a broken Dreg himself.
Please sponsor a Dreg this Christmas and help Greg get himself a new hot Awoken Wife, it’s what Vivienne would have wanted.
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Dwight The Knight Exiled on the ledges of the cosmodrone, he sometimes has his only source of company, guardians run through to kill him for glimmer. All he wanted is to be friends with the other Knights
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All I hear is "in the arms of the angel" song in those ASPCA commercials
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Bump for dreg awareness, give our heroes the publicity they need.
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Anyone do Paul the Cabal yet?
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DORIAN THE PRAETORIAN
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Another sad tale... Paul the Thrall. He just sits around depressed in the lunar complex. Guardians always pass him by. He never really minded... Until now of course. Guardians radars are constantly picking him up, and when Paul makes contacts he always gets shot at.. Poor Paul he just wants to make peace. It's no wonder he calls for what few friends he has. All suicidal sadly. Some even kill the other. No wonder Paul is so sad. His friends all die before him. Let's take some time to help the darkness that has a little light in them.
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Frank the shank
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Am I the only one reading this in a Sarah McLachlan voice?
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Actually I'm gambling at the reef in a drunken state Getting blow jobs
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Edited by SEV THE DEV: 12/24/2014 9:16:47 PMI work hard for this glimmer and I still don't have enough to bathe in it, iron banner prices are too damn high and too many weapons to upgrade EDIT and hold on ive seen the spider walker crush fellow guardians and shoot rockets at me. #how2farmwithrockettank?!?
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Edited by Jurgen Blitz: 12/24/2014 11:31:47 AMIn my defense, Vivienne shot first.
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Edited by El STD Panda: 12/25/2014 8:01:09 AMI once helped a thrall. His name was paul. He'd playfully chase me everyday. Once a hunter approached & shot paul in the head. So paul's friends ganged up & showed the hunter what's up. They came at him with claws, they had no flaws. And they made that guardian fall.
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raul the cabal greg the dreg paul the thrall randal the vandall zion the psion beaver the reaver
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That was hilarious, thanks OP.
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Better story than twilight and destiny
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I helped a Thrall, his name was Paul.
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What have we done :(
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I think I just murdered him
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Frak Greg. He made his choices.
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Bonquisha the lonely Minotaur Shanique the small goblin Tyrone L. Jackson The knight
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I just sponsored rex the homeless vex. Please lets all dig deep to give these guys a merry Christmas.
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Edited by PurpGreen: 12/23/2014 11:20:34 PMToo bad you didn't mention the atrocities commited by Greg. What about all the child support that Greg [i][u]never[/u][/i] payed? Fallen reproduce like insects; A LOT. Giving birth to a "litter", knowing that only a few will survive. Then the added fact that the father cannot support them...shame...Or the time he stole money from Vivienne's purse, just to get strung out on Spirit Bloom. Or should i say [i]several[/i] times. Or what about that time he got arrested for spousal abuse? Year after year, beaten bloody by all 4 arms, Vivienne even had a miscarriage because of it. Finally she gives in and calls the cops, he gets locked up, gets out, beats her one last time and leaves. Vivienne was not in that field to "look at rusted cars". No. She was readying to kill herself and the kids. She planned to drop the Fallen babies off with some Acolytes; maybe they'd take them in as their own, she thought. But then the brilliant idea to throw them off the cliff struck her like a mac truck. She gathered them together, told them they could fly like the old legends of Ahamkaras. Of course they were excited, ran out ahead to go try it. But of course my heorism had to come in. I saw this horrible plan unfold. As one child jumped to his death, i intervened. I put them out of their misery, one bullet to the head for each of them. I figured the murders of starving children by bullet would save them the torture of falling (ironically) down a cliff, helpless, realizing their mother had betrayed them. I served justice, and for that, i will never support Greg. He killed his wife, not me.
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The sad part is, it was an Eris bounty; headshot HIVE while done up on black wax.