My favorite Bible story is the one when Jesus loses his shit and beats a ton of merchants with his goddamn belt. What a badass.
-
I liked the part where Snape kills Dumbledore.
-
I like the one where he kills children.
-
Edited by tjustie: 7/24/2015 1:36:10 AMOne day, as Elijah walked up the side of a mountain, many boys jeered at him, saying "baldy baldy baldy," for Elijah was bald. Elijah was butthurt and so called upon the justice of the lord, and 2 she bears came out of the woods and mauled 42 of the boys. -The end
-
Edited by R0ÄRĪÑG Šį1ēńçè: 8/30/2015 6:18:40 AMThe whole book, it's a great fairy tale
-
Edited by Oozing_Camel: 8/25/2015 2:31:11 AMWhen Moses flips a shit because his followers started to worship cow tits. Edit: Sorry. Sorry. Didn't realize I was bumping.
-
When adam broke eve virginity lmao best part. Turn out adam was desperate what i think as part to the book on life. Jk But i do think thats what happen.
-
i like the one that is true. lol
-
The one where people are fighting over something stupid and lots of people die.
-
I like the one where Joseph smith rapes a baby
-
The Book of Tobit is one of the few (if only) places in the bible where Raphael the archangel is mentioned. My confrontation name is Raphael.
-
The one where people kill people for an invisible voice in their heads. Oh wait, that is like 1/3 of th Bible...
-
The book of Tobit from the Orthodox Bible. Essentially it's about this unlikely hero who befriends the archangel Raphael and together they go on a mission to rescue the woman he wants to marry. The Church interprets it as a metaphor for Christ's love for the Church which is often personified as his bride. I also like the Job story, even though it is grim and depressing. For better or worse, it's probably the only book of the Bible that even remotely touches upon the problem of evil. I find it very hilarious in almost a satirical dark-humor sort of way. It's certainly poetic. I think the author had a sense of humor, albeit a twisted one.
-
Revelations
-
Revelations. 3spooky5me.
-
I like the one where Jesus was nailed to a cross. That was pretty funny.
-
The one where the prophet summoned a bear to kill people who were making fun of him.
-
The tale of the she bears and the mauling of the children.
-
Here's my favorite, "OP shall always be a fgt, but do not forget made him, oh wait.... Forget that last part I don't wanteth to be hated"
-
Edited by GrandmaBanjo69: 7/24/2015 4:36:27 AMDefinitely the one where king douche threatens to cut a baby in half to prove a point and one prostitute is like, "naw dawg" and the other prostitute is like "lol k half a baby is hilarious."
-
Exodus
-
The one with Seth Rogen and James Franco.
-
Edited by Legoburn: 7/24/2015 1:55:58 AMThe tale of Ehud in Judges 3 is pretty amusing from a non religious viewpoint. Esther's probably my favorite story from a Christian view, though admittedly the best part about it is Haman, who's essentially proto-Hitler.
-
The great book burning of 420.
-
The one where Moses killed a few hundred people to somehow undo the wrong the Israelites did by worshipping something they could see.
-
Noah's fart
-
The one where God creates an easily accessible tree, with easily accessible and delicious looking fruit, and creates an angel his omniscient ass must know will lead the only two people he conveniently placed next to an equally convenient tree to disobey him.