Teabagging is a challenge. But with a little creativity and a dash of skill, you can turn it into an enraging art form. Some examples include the slow bag, the fuse bag, the resuscitation bag, the gang bag, the res bag (sunsingers only) and last but certainly not least...the annihilation bag. Before we go into the details of these bags, let us first clarify the basic rules of teabagging. Teabagging is an action which sits outside of the realm of chivalrous conduct. It is a challenge put forth by those devoid of honor. That being said... There are only two proper responses to a teabag. 1) Do not teabag...and win. This sends a subtle but effective message of moral superiority and tangible, skill-based superiority. In the end they are left with nothing. You have taken all that they have. They will now shame themselves in the basement, getting drunk off tiny wines. 2) teabag...and win: this sends a more overt message. Essentially, "I was teabagging when you were first learning how to cry. I was there at the dawn of the teabag. I was born in the shame of teabags and I have learned to claw and rip my way through ballsacks to victory. I hope you like being held down while I make you call out to your fireteam. Because they are next. You've brought this upon them all. School is in session." Assuming you choose the latter response, it's time to get creative. In order to do that, you have to sink yourself into the mind of your prey. Put yourself in their shoes and reach into the deepest, darkest corners of your psyche to deliver a devastating blow to their self-confidence that will leave them replaying the event in their minds, late at night, for the rest of their natural lives. The slow bag Upon murdering your prey, make it clear to them that you are not agitated, you are not frightened, there is no sense of urgency. You've got all day to drag your nuts across their face. Slowly but steadily crouch upon their faces until the red light goes out. Then find them and do it again. Slow and steady. This is a very intimate form of teabagging. Imagine smooth jazz in the background. The fuse bag Stand over their body following their demise and wait for 9 seconds. Then sink your nuts deep in their mouths .But only do this once. Because once is all you need. For 9 seconds they are forced to watch you, wondering if you're going to do it or not. This destroys the mind of a teabagger, whose self-confidence is conditional. On the other end of the network, there is a child screaming at the screen, "You better not! You better not you f*k! Don't you- don't you f*k-in do- SON OF A BITCH!!!" The resuscitation bag Not to be confused with the res bag. This bag consists of making your prey kiss your nuts while you attempt mouth to nut resuscitation. This will not always occur at the red light but will always take place at the body itself. As you're nuts ascend and descend, slap them hopefully in the face as you scream, "YOU NEVER GAVE UP ON ANYTHING IN YOUR LIFE! FIIIIIIGHHHT!!!" This will convey the amount of pure joy that is yours as a result of their lack of tactical awareness and raw skill, communicating that they are nothing more than an object of ridicule, a plaything. Make their death a mockery. The gang bag Self explanatory. They probably aren't in a fireteam because no one wants to be around their spineless personalities. You on the other hand have no less than five loyal fireteam members all ready to lay their nuts down for you and defend your honor. This will remind them of how lonely their existence has become, reminding them why they began teabagging in the first place, to escape the feelings of misery borne from the realization that, put simply, they are horrible people and they've been duped, somehow, into thinking that would bring them friends. Before initiating this coordinated teabag, announce to your fireteam, "guardians! What is your profession?" then when you wipe the saliva off your nuts, proclaim, "I brought more soldiers than you did." The res bag As you may recall, I specified earlier that this particular bag was for "Sunsingers only" What I really meant by that was, this bag is for Titans to give to Suns-ahem! Excuse me...this can be either given or received by Sunsingers. If you happen to be a Sunsinger, you may already be familiar with this bag. Prescription is as follows: to be administered as needed directly following a teabag by a lesser guardian. Revive and rigorously return the favor. If you are on the receiving end of this bag, chances are, you started it...and unfortunately, despite your best efforts, you could not finish it. For titans, prescription is as follows: choose your teabag (slow bag, fuse bag etc...) and when they res, fist them and continue dragging your nuts across their face. This sends the message, "Don't come at me with that weak-ass shit." This is especially insulting considering...that "weak-ass shit" was the best they had. Finally...the moment you've all been waiting for... The Annihilation Bag There is no bag that conveys dominance more effectively than The Annihilation Bag. As you begin the teabag, ready your weapon. You are drawing the ire of the rest of the plebs. But that is not a bad thing. Because not only have you shamed the douche on the team, anyone who comes to the aid of this weak excuse for a guardian will feel the same sweaty shame that he did. It's a matter of principle. As your balls bounce calmly on the face of the first, vanquish the second...the third...the fourth...the fifth. There are many ways to execute this...standing still, moving from one body to the other and letting them all taste the saltiness of defeat etc... But one aspect must be adhered to strictly... Namely, this massacre must be accomplished while continually teabagging. Why? I'm glad you asked. Preemptively teabagging before massacring an entire fireteam is the pinnacle of the principles set forth in this manual. "Line up ladies. There's more than enough to go around." I hope you've enjoyed reading. You are borne of light. Remember this when you find yourself within the hallowed walls of the Crucible. Losing with honor is always preferable to winning with none. Therein lies the true loss.