*o_____o was feeling hungry and tired while heading to work...so he decided to stop at McDonald's. He had a bad experience last time, but hopefully that was just a one time scenario. Plus McDonald's had the best fast food breakfasts. The drive thru appeared to be out of order, so he parked his car and went inside to the counter. Bungie: Welcome to McDonald's, may I take your order? o_____o: Yes, I'll have a small coffee, a sausage-egg biscuit, and a cinnamon melt. Bungie: Ok, that's one small coffee, a sausage biscuit with egg, and a cinnamon melt? Is that all? o_____o: Yes, that's it. Bungie: That'll be $5.59. P *o_____o hands over his money. Bungie: Thank you sir. Here's your coffee. Your food will be with you shortly. *hands o____o his coffee. o_____o: This feels rather cold. Bungie: We received a complaint about the overheatedness of the coffee, so our food developers reduced the thermal output by %20. o_____o: This is a lot more than %20 colder. Bungie: We assure you, it was only reduced by %20. It should still have plenty of heat to keep you warm, customer. o_____o: Oh yeah? Take a look at this. *o_____o tips the coffee cup over and a solid cup-shaped frozen block of coffee slides out, falls down skids across the floor. Bungie: Hmm.....maybe we did cool it down too much. I'll communicate this issue to the food developers. *Bungie stares off into space....... Bungie: Ok, your issue has been noted. They are working on a fix. *meanwhile, desticles begin to line up behind o____o Bungie: Here is your meal, please enjoy. *takes the bag and the smell of the biscuit and cinnamon melt makes his mouth water. He looks for the fork, but all he could find were two toothpicks. o_____o: Excuse me, may I have a fork? Bungie: Sorry, we no longer provide forks. o_____o: Wait.....why not? Bungie: We discovered customers were eating their food too fast. They weren't taking the time to savor the flavor. So we replaced the forks with toothpicks to ensure you take the time and work for your food. o_____o: That is really stupid. This is my food, why should you dictate how I eat it? Desticle: Hey! Stop crying about it!! *o_____o ignores the desticle Bungie: Sorry sir, we really do want this to be the best experience for you. That's why we have to restrict your freedom. o_____o: Oh yeah? Well look at this? I'm eating it with my hands. What now? Bungie: Thank you for uncovering this exploit, we will develop more preventative measures. o_____o: You people are unbelievable. *goes to sit at a table to enjoy his meal. He unwraps the sausage-egg biscuit and bites into it. Immediately he screams in agony. Blood begins to stream from his mouth. He runs up to the counter where a Desticle is ordering from a braille menu. o_____o: WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO THIS BISCUIT?!? Bungie: We put shards of glass in it. o_____o: WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU DO THAT?!? Bungie: We wanted you to use strategy and caution when consuming such a delicate meal. o_____o: DELICATE MEAL?!? IT'S JUST A BISCUIT! THERE IS NO REASON TO PUT SHARDS OF GLASS IN IT! IN FACT, THERE IS NO REASON TO PUT SHARDS OF GLASS IN ANY KIND OF FOOD UNLESS YOU HATE THE PERSON YOU ARE SERVING IT TO!!! Desticle: Wow, you sure do complain a lot. Why don't you go over to Wendy's if you hate McDonald's so much? You are such a Burger King! o_____o: YOU SHUT UP! MY MOUTH IS BLEEDING!! Desticle: It's building your character, you should thank bungie!! Bungie: Look sir, we are sorry you feel this way. Anyway, the food developers buffed the coffee. Here you go. o_____o: It still feels cold.... Bungie: Give it a few seconds... *suddenly sparks begin to spit out of the top of the coffee mug and it bursts into flame. o_____o: WHAT THE FUUUUCK?!?!?! Bungie: We put a slice of pure sodium in the coffee. o_____o: YOU PEOPLE ARE INSANE! I AM OUT OF HERE!!!! *o_____o storms off through the door, passing a few desticles who are holding white-tipped canes. [i]Next episode: The trouble with coupons.[/i]