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Destiny

Discuss all things Destiny.
10/20/2014 10:17:53 AM
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Lonjo

"Waaaaaaahh!" A Whiner's Guide to Everything Destiny.

Hello there, 12-year-old child! I bet you're here because you saw the title, and thought "Golly-gee Mister, that's me!" Well son, you've come to the right place. Let's get you informed so you can whine as hard as humanely possible about anything and everything in Destiny. First, we need to give you a small pre-whine knowledge bomb (Don't worry, it won't hurt!) before you go off on your own. You need to make sure that you understand what the word [i]demographic[/i] means, because you may not know it, but that's you! [i][b]De-mo-graph-ic[/b][/i] [i]- of or relating to the study of changes that occur in large groups of people over a period of time[/i] You may now be saying to yourself, "But Mister! I still don't understand this big word, explain it to me please!" And to that I say, why of course Little Jimmy! You see, this word is important because you are the demographic. It's how a group of people reacts to specific things. You, as well as all of your whiny 12-year-old friends, are part of what's called a [i]target demographic.[/i] This phrase is important because you are the key to how Destiny changes, look how much you've accomplished in just one month! You didn't even know it! I mean, you wanted to be the one who held the cool shield in the raid, and Bungie listened! They made it so that one selfish guy doesn't get to do the super cool part the whole time. See Jimmy, the people who make this game do everything in their power to please only you, because they know that if you whine to your parents hard enough they will buy anything Destiny for you, thus making the people who make this game even more money. Being a consumer is fun! Now, let's get back to that [i]target demographic[/i] thing I was talking about earlier. You have the power to make this game however you want! It's almost like you're a game creator. Doesn't that sound fun!? If you want sparkly ponies to ride instead of Sparrows, as the target demographic for this game all you have to do is jump on these here forums and create a new post. Title doesn't matter, just put "I'm 12" somewhere in there for good measure. It's so Bungie knows to read it and listen. In fact you're already half way there! All you have to do is hit the back button and click "New Topic" and you can whine about anything you like and they'll change it in the game! Hold your horses, scout! Before you venture off into the big world of game design there's a few more things I need to tell you. You can and should whine about everything possible that you don't like, so if you can't remember here's a short list: - Any gun that you get killed by in PvP is too strong. Tell Bungie they either need to give it to you for free or delete it from the other player. Or both! Remember, you get anything you want! - Every gun in this game should be Yellow so everyone can feel special! Better yet, tell them to make every gun color Grey! That way everyone can be equal, it's unfair right now! - Armor? It's too hard to get! I bet you wanna be 30 right now, tell them that! When you hit 20 you should automatically get to be 30 with free armor. - Exotics are cool, so you should be able to equip all of them at once! - Anything else your little genius brain can think of. Oh, and don't forget! Be as loud and annoying as you possibly can, they love that! Don't forget to mention you're 12 and your parents buy you whatever you want. Make sure you say that if you don't get your changes, you won't make your parents buy more of their stuff. With enough time you can change this game into what you really want. My Little Pony Sparkle Adventure Paintball 2. Now get out there Jimmy. Whine, whine as hard as you possibly can and never ever look back. Seriously though, please get the hell out and stop crying. If you don't enjoy the game it's simple. Stop playing it.

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  • Destiny should be able to give me straight A's in all my classes and do my finger paintings for me too. That way I can spend more time playing Destiny and not be distracted by school. I mean I'm not gonna really need school anyway when I grow up since the government is doing all these free handouts. I can live in my parents basement forever.

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