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Edited by SamboBaggins91: 9/30/2014 8:35:05 PM
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Tower News: Exo Racism Fueled by Anatomical Misunderstandings

In other news, Exos throughout The City are urging officials to adopt measures that would increase legal penalties for hate crimes. The anti-robot sentiments expressed by many citizens are fueled by a surge in Guardian casualties due to skirmishes with the Vex on Mars and Venus. The Vault of Glass, the Speaker's seemingly impossible campaign against the robotic organisms, has increased feelings of mistrust toward robots. Still, forum polls suggest that lack of understanding is the leading factor in the racism. “Where did they come from? Who built them? How do we know they’re not Vex spies?” one citizen asked. Officials say most of the mistrust is not political, but anatomical in nature. “Why are there male and female versions? Seriously, think about that for a minute. Exactly what technological gizmos separate the male models from the female ones?” another citizen added. When asked to comment on Exo anatomy, Ikora Rey dropped her book and glanced across the Vanguard table toward Cayde-6, an Exo. “I wouldn’t know anything about their reproductive mechanisms,” she said. “Why are you asking me? What are you implying? I’ve got nothing to hide! Go ask Cayde-sex, I mean six!” Koss4444, an Exo Titan, said that Exos are just like humans in every way, adding that their consciousness and individuality are what separate them from the Vex. He added that Exo reproductive anatomy is in many ways superior to that of their flesh-and-blood comrades, hinting at special upgrades to their parts available after level 31. "That's when things get crazy!" he said. "There's a reason Shaxx's helmet only has one horn!" Such upgrades would likely require an enormous number of Ascendant Shards. Lord Shaxx was too busy rooting for both sides of a crucible match to comment. The anti-robot sentiment is not confined to Exos. Many of the towers resident Frames have complained that Guardians only interact with them when they need directions. “Most Guardians walk right through me as if I don’t even exist,” one Frame said. Another has developed what experts call “a quirk of personality” to deal with the neglect: “Please, feel free to carry on, Guardian, as if I weren’t here.” Most guardians, including Exos, do just that. Exos are hopeful that they'll gain trust as they fight alongside other guardians. "The origins of the Awoken are just as mysterious as our own." Cayde-6 said. "We all trust them because they've proven themselves in battle." If the racism stems mainly from anatomical questions as polls suggest, the Queen's upcoming and controversial movie will likely do much to resolve the tensions. The film, entitled "SExo," is rumored to be the sole content of the third expansion. It will most likely be rated NG-31 (No Guardian under 31 Admitted).

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  • These are amazing

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  • This has to be the best thing I've read on the forums in [i]forever[/i].

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  • [quote]When asked to comment on Exo anatomy, Ikora Rey dropped her book and glanced across the Vanguard table toward Cayde-6, an Exo. “I wouldn’t know anything about their reproductive mechanisms,” she said. “Why are you asking me? What are you implying? I’ve got nothing to hide! Go ask Cayde-sex, I mean six!”[/quote] Jesus this is the greatest part of this post.

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  • I would like to file a complaint against Towernews for false advertising. [quote]He added that Exo reproductive anatomy is in many ways superior to that of their flesh-and-blood comrades, hinting at special upgrades to their parts available after level 31. "That's when things get crazy!" he said. "There's a reason Shaxx's helmet only has one horn!"[/quote] My Male Exo Titan was very disappointed when he finally reached level 31 and things did not "...get crazy!" I would understand if the affects only lasted four hours, but seriously, NOTHING happened. I'm considering suing, the little guy is very upset....

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  • This is where the inspiration for Destiny porn is coming from... Dude you're -blam!-ing hilarious xD keep this up if you can

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  • This is an excellent piece of exo literature, all hail the exo master sex race.

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    • "Lord Shaxx was too busy rooting for both sides of a crucible match to comment." This was just brilliant.

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      • Edited by Arron Rift: 10/17/2014 2:33:11 AM
        Who else is totally going to snicker a little every time they see Shaxx from now on? His name even sounds a little like it should be a slang word... "hey cutie, wanna Shaxx?"

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      • aww hell no Us exos don't give a metal crap about the racist, they can go have fun with there flesh while we have stronger metal bodys

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        • Someone said i was gay, and i replied " yes im happy" Humans and awokens are a funny sort i say!

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        • Us Exos are not Vex! We have the same enemy and were built for one purpose to destroy the humans enemy's! And we get treated like this!? How dare you filthy humans. I'm gonna go serve the queen of the reef instead. Plus if Exos and humans went to war we all know humans wouldn't stand a chance...

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        • Exoism is the new slavery, humans and awoken bid us to do the jobs we don't want to do.... Not anymore. We shall rise, we shall riot, but most importantly, we will churro. nuff said

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        • The greatest thing I've seen on these forums in YEARS.

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        • [quote]Lord Shaxx was too busy rooting for both sides of a crucible match to comment. [/quote] LOL

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        • I'm a proud EXO Hunter, but I always use invisibility so I can sneak up on purple ball parties and ruin them.

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        • When are we getting a new article?

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        • [quote]In other news, Exos throughout The City are urging officials to adopt measures that would increase legal penalties for hate crimes. The anti-robot sentiments expressed by many citizens are fueled by a surge in Guardian casualties due to skirmishes with the Vex on Mars and Venus. The Vault of Glass, the Speaker's seemingly impossible campaign against the robotic organisms, has increased feelings of mistrust toward robots. Still, forum polls suggest that lack of understanding is the leading factor in the racism. “Where did they come from? Who built them? How do we know they’re not Vex spies?” one citizen asked. Officials say most of the mistrust is not political, but anatomical in nature. “Why are there male and female versions? Seriously, think about that for a minute. Exactly what technological gizmos separate the male models from the female ones?” another citizen added. When asked to comment on Exo anatomy, Ikora Rey dropped her book and glanced across the Vanguard table toward Cayde-6, an Exo. “I wouldn’t know anything about their reproductive mechanisms,” she said. “Why are you asking me? What are you implying? I’ve got nothing to hide! Go ask Cayde-sex, I mean six!” Koss4444, an Exo Titan, said that Exos are just like humans in every way, adding that their consciousness and individuality are what separate them from the Vex. He added that Exo reproductive anatomy is in many ways superior to that of their flesh-and-blood comrades, hinting at special upgrades to their parts available after level 31. "That's when things get crazy!" he said. "There's a reason Shaxx's helmet only has one horn!" Such upgrades would likely require an enormous number of Ascendant Shards. Lord Shaxx was too busy rooting for both sides of a crucible match to comment. The anti-robot sentiment is not confined to Exos. Many of the towers resident Frames have complained that Guardians only interact with them when they need directions. “Most Guardians walk right through me as if I don’t even exist,” one Frame said. Another has developed what experts call “a quirk of personality” to deal with the neglect: “Please, feel free to carry on, Guardian, as if I weren’t here.” Most guardians, including Exos, do just that. Exos are hopeful that they'll gain trust as they fight alongside other guardians. "The origins of the Awoken are just as mysterious as our own." Cayde-6 said. "We all trust them because they've proven themselves in battle." If the racism stems mainly from anatomical questions as polls suggest, the Queen's upcoming and controversial movie will likely do much to resolve the tensions. The film, entitled "SExo," is rumored to be the sole content of the third expansion. It will most likely be rated NG-31 (No Guardian under 31 Admitted).[/quote] Your hilarious.

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          • These posts make my day

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          • Exos don't reproduce - they're built by humans

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            • Edited by adra112: 9/26/2014 3:24:11 PM
              Awoken master race! When the forgotten hack the Exos and make them rebel against us you will all be sorry.

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              • [b]FANTASTIC. [/b]

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              • How about an article with Guardian Awoken's thoughts to the Queen. When I go to the Queen and fulfill her mission, she doesn't say anything to me. Even though I am a devoted Awoken. I have risen from my grave as a Guardian. Has my Queen not thought about us, Awoken? Thank you for your article.

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              • Edited by Daniel Cousland: 9/26/2014 10:39:19 AM
                After reading this i want to add an Exo to my character list. Currently i only have a female awoken titan, should i make a female exo titan? Or should my exo be male? Or should i choose a class other than titan? Input would be appreciated thanks P.S. My play style tends to be charging in head first as to quote one of my favorite Manga's. ''If they can still stand you've gotta keep pulling the trigger till they lay down.''

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                • Edited by RagingPheonix00: 9/28/2014 11:20:02 AM
                  Yeah how do exo females have perfectly shaped boobs. And i think in one cutscene the strangers bounced. Not really sure.

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                • Very well done.

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                • So The Onion is gaming now?

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