In France they have a great solution for this. It's called a bidet. It looks like a second toilet with taps (fawcett I believe you Colonials call them) you sit on it, turn it on and it shoots a jet of lukewarm water up yer' 'arris. -blam!-ing fantastic for those Klingons. Of course I'm so blue collar, the first one I saw I pissed in it thinking it was a new kind of urinal. My advice, four sheets of wet toilet roll with four more sheets of dry wrapped around that and wipe hard...