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Edited by ProwlyB:
9/17/2014 5:12:53 AM
8
Tales from the Cryptarch: ATTENTION ALL GUARDIANS
ATTENTION ALL GUARDIANS:
Due to the recent and overwhelming demand for my goods, the following rules of commerce will henceforth be observed during all transactions. Failure to comply will result in immediate forfeiture of shop privilege.
(Rule #1: Don't crowd me)
When browsing my wares, always form a single file line and wait your turn. Not only are you disrespecting other customers when you fail to do this, but more importantly you're annoying me. You must cease and desist immediately.
(Rule #2: I don't extend lines of credit.)
This shop accepts Glimmer only. If you don't have glimmer, you can't buy my items - simple. I do not do favors. I do not give loans. I do not care how many times you've saved the city, you're just another customer like everyone else.
(Rule #3: Absolutely no refunds.)
All sales are final. If for some reason you are not completely satisfied with your purchase, I do not care. There are plenty of other customers patiently waiting their turn for my attention, and I don't have time for your foolishness.
(Rule #4: I reserve the right to refuse service.)
My goods are in limited supply and shipments come in only so often. I can't possibly supply arms to every idiot with a Shingen-C who runs right up to me demanding service. If you dance in front of me like a fool, I will have a bounty placed on your head.
~~End of Transmission~~
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6 RepliesSilly Guardian, you are not the Cryptarch, I am. But your rules do apply to my beliefs. Thank you for posting on my behalf.
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Why do you try to fake me [spoiler]i get in trouble asking for strange coins or motes of light[/spoiler]
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1 ReplyWhy the actual hell would you impersonate a Cryptarch. You're asking to be stoned to death in the streets.
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I would like further installments. What is your relationship with the postmaster? Or any of the other vendors?
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2 RepliesGood stuff. I would love to see a back alley vendor that you can only find if you melee the right door at the right time. The dude could be like that guy in RE4. "What are ya Buyin?"
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2 Replies[quote](Rule #3: Absolutely no refunds.) All sales are final. If for some reason you are not completely satisfied with your purchase, I do not care. There are plenty of other customers patiently waiting their turn for my attention, and I don't have time for your foolishness[/quote] This. The amount of profanities Master Rahool has heard from my mic would make my grandmother turn in her grave.
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2 RepliesI'm wondering if anyone would like to see more installments of this series?
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3 Replies[quote] "[i]This shop accepts Glimmer only. If you don't have glimmer, you can't buy my items - simple. I do not do favors[/i]." [/quote] So you wouldn't be open to any [i]pleasurable[/i] favours? ;) Huehuehuehuehue
