All Hail Broom Sweeping Robot! (BSR)
Everyone thinks that the Tower is ran by the Vanguard. I am here to enlighten the unenlightened. The Vanguard are the false prophets. Do not let their propaganda sway you and lead you to believe otherwise. They do not keep the tower running. It is the honest, hard-working robot that sweeps the tower day in and day out. Have you ever seen him take a break? I THINK NOT.
He has kept the floor clean since ALPHA as he cares about your well being, guardians! Imagine the amount of foot traffic that goes through that corridor. Albeit he sweeps the same tile over and over, I CAN GUARANTEE YOU, that if we were ever to step on that piece of future-tech tile that he sweeps, IT WOULD BE the ABSOLUTE cleanest tile you would have ever stepped on.
Dead Orbit wishes to leave Earth? NO says the sweeping robot. There are floors to be cleaned. Future War Cult believes that war is inevitable. NO, says the sweeping robot. Why waste time on war when there are floors to be sweeped? New Monarchy seeks a way to bring back the Golden Age? HA! Foolish that their answer sits in the corridor between the main landing and shipyard. The true path to the Golden Ages is through immaculate cleanliness!
Do you know how Lord Shaxx got his name? "Shaxx" is five letters. "Broom" is five letters. There are two letters of the same letter in Shaxx, same with Broom. Lord Shaxx is secretly an enlightened priest that secretly worships the true deity. However, now is not the time to expose the truth. How else do you think Shaxx gets his armor and weapons to give out to guardians? It is bestowed upon by the Broom Sweeping Robot. Crucible marks are secretly marks of BSR (Broom Sweeping Robot). The connections are there guardians, open your eyes.
Broom Sweeping Robot has been there since the beginning. He has seen many things, guardians. He knows the truth. He knows what has been cut from this game, what was added. He has SEEN THE TRUE VISION OF DESTINY! Worship him! For he shall bestow upon and grant us vision of this True Destiny. We have been sheeps, guardians. Do not be lead astray and become sheep. Instead, become part of the prophecy!
We must manifest our Destiny. Join me as we worship the True Leader of the Tower that will bring us back to the Golden Age.
"Watch your step, Guardian"
You know what, Broom Sweeping Robot? I indeed shall watch my step.
EDIT 1:
There have been talks among the nonbelievers inquiring about the puddles of water rampant around the Tower.
I am here to enlighten and speak from the Book of Windex.
Section: Lemon Pledge
The puddles are water. Water represents life. There will be a time when puddles must be mopped, in which metaphorically means that life will require cleansing.
However, now is not that time. Cleansing the world requires a starting point. That tile he is cleaning, is the the single entity in which represents the median of all of what we have known to exist.
In other words, that tile he is cleaning is literally the "center of the universe". There will be a time for mopping, but first comes the sweeping.
EDIT 2:
Remember fellow guardians, of the way of the broom. The darkness is filth, and all filth must be purified through immaculate cleanliness. Become the windex, and together we shall form the broom in which the Broom Sweeping Robot sweeps. Amen.
EDIT 3:
Atheon is Time's Conflux.
The Broom Sweeping Robot is the Traveler's Conflux.
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Rest in peace broom robot
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They need to put Sweeping robot in the raid to clean up all the cheese.
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Bungie needs to make an emblem!
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Way way to many drugs
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Edited by RandomMikael: 10/3/2014 6:47:19 PMIn the North Tower born and raised, Sweeping the floor is how I spent my days, Sweeping, dusting and polishing the floor, I was doing it again and a million times more, Until a couple of guardians tracked in mud, I said wait, hold it right there bud I got in one tiny fight and speaker got scared, Said you're packing your bags, start sweeping over there
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Edited by Skeloton: 10/2/2014 9:21:56 AMOur Sweeper who art in tower, hallowed be thy floors. Your broom will come, much cleaning done, on earth, as it is in corridor seven. Give us this day our daily cleanse, and forgive us our filth, as we forgive those who filth with us. And lead us not into uncleanliness, but deliver us from dirtiness. For yours is the floors, the broom and the cleanliness. Forever and ever. Amen
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He's the real mvp.
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This shit is beautiful :')
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I love this :)
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Broominati confirmed?
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ALL HAIL THE MIGHTY BROOM ROBOT!!!!
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I too worshiped at the alter of the sweeping robot. Then one day he asked me to stay behind after the service, and he showed me the other things he likes to do with his broom. I haven't had a good nights sleep or a good sit since that dark day in September. If anyone else has been victimized by the sweeping robot, show your support. The other survivors and I are looking into forming a support group.
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Humanity can create A.I. but then give them prehistoric brooms to clean.... No wonder humanity was nearly wiped out.... Idiots
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Bump. All must know about the BSR
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I think BSR is doing a very bad job. There's a pile of mud next to one of the vault between the postmaster for almost 4 months now.
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Wave to those robots. They deserve it.
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The book of windex, page 14,091 paragraph 52 word 7 "Brobdingnagian" Amen
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Just curious, was the anaphora at the beginning of the third stanza meant to be a parody of Andrew Ryan's first monologue from Bioshock? If so, then bravo, that was well done.
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Bump it to the top!
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Anyone notice it's a robot using a -blam!-ing straw broom
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Seems legit.
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Edited by TheBearJoel: 10/5/2014 4:44:29 AMThe Book of Windex - 5:37-5:46 - Duster's Creed And so thy broom came down from above And cleansed those with dirtied souls Then BSR looked down upon the enlightened guardians, and realized the filth that had plagued them would return. So, he created the Traveler, so humanity would be able to cleanse themselves in light. He then chose a lowly warlock, and said these words to him. "You are one of the Cleansed, my child. However, I cannot remain for much longer. I shalt deem thee Speaker for my voice. Thou shalt spread my word to all who are Cleansed, and wear clothes of purest cotton. You shall send out the 'Ghosts,' hiding the fact that they are my prophets, bearing the power of De-Tergent. You are my Hands in this realm, and you shall aid in my mission to sweep away the world's filth, so we may live in the realm of the Polished Glass." The Lord BSR then set thy Broom upon the warlock's shoulder, and spread the Divine Windex through his soul. Purity clothed the new Speaker, and a mask of utmost cleanliness formed upon his visage. And then, BSR formed a mortal shell, and filled it with his essence, so he could observe the Guardians' Cleansing of the world, under the Speaker's tutelage. Here ends the lesson, my brethren. Continue spreading the divine Cleansing through our universe, and remember, we have been privileged with the Broom's sweeping upon our souls.
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Roomba 1000.0
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Those robots always miss that puddle of water :/ I splash through it EVERY single time lol