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1/1/2014 11:27:58 PM
3

what do you think?

This is just something that I'm doing in my spare time, tell me what you think. Intro: It was supposed to be the key moment, it was supposed to bring humanity under one purpose , even if they didn't know it. The event was to be a new beginning for some, 7 years of hard work on each ship. 21 years of planing, all of it spent hiding them until that day, the day the world went mad... Most of us supposed that we had caused it, others think that what happened was a planned attack on us, but I think that it was only in human nature. The fear of the unknown, the fear of change. "Sir, we've had another accident." An intrusion one of many but that was to be expected, especially at this stage. I mark my place on the book i was reading to look at a rather short man holding a data pad toward me for inspection. From the look on his face I could tell that this was urgent, "what's happened?" I sighed, this had to be the forth one this week. "Sir, the reactor on the Fabled has failed, and we've lost three engineers trying to lock it down." At that my blood ran cold. A failed reactor could cause an explosion that could destroy everything within twenty miles of this facility. "How many levels are locked down?" He looked nervous , but only for a moment before regaining his composure. "A-18 through A-16, sir." I sit back in relief, the fact that only two levels were affected showed just how well I had trained these men. " what of the reactor?" At this he seemed more reassured in. " after we lost contact with the engineers, we send in two hazardous operation units and locked the place down." I allow myself a grim smile, at least the explosion will be contained if the reactor goes. [spoiler]lol, it's going to be fun looking at the comments.[/spoiler]
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#Offtopic #Story

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  • ugh gotta be quick, soooorry! ---- comma splices comma splices everywhere - also stay in tense "i mark my place" should be "i marked my place" "He looked nervous , but only for a moment before regaining his composure" should be "he looked nervous, but only for a moment before he regained his composure." actually this sentence should read something like "he looked nervous for a moment, then regained his composure" to avoid awkward wording but w/e actually for one, just choose a tense. you're all over the place :P - trivial errors "at this he seemed more reassured in." wat " after we lost" capitals! [don't pull tu quoque here!] -- eeeuuuurrrgh this is all i can come up with while i'm responding to forum drama, skyping, and checking a tinychat XD am srry :(

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    • Ha... Gayyyy

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      • Now to try this again without the alts pushing all of the new posts out....

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