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Edited by Sesto: 10/30/2013 4:33:10 AM
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Help me write a passage for my story

So the MC of the story is currently being 'consumed' by a creature. It isn't physical, of course. It is similar to how a Vampire bites a person and sucks their blood, except the creature is biting him and consuming his soul/mind, essentially draining his life. I want a paragraph or two expressing how much pain the MC is in. I'm shit at writing descriptively, so I need help here. So, flood, give me some good descriptive words or verbs I could use. Maybe even a sentence or two. And by the way, I'm trying to focus on the internal pain. Sure the creature biting him would hurt, but the actual consuming of his soul/mind is what I'm trying to describe.

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  • Hovering over his dick, I ever so gently touched my tongue to the tip of his cock. His body didn’t move. Good. He was still asleep. I got a little more confident and licked a little more of his cock while my own dick raged in my boxers. I moistened my fingertips and gently slid my slippery fingers across the whole top ridge of his cock. It stirred a lot. The head throbbed a lot too. Then stillness. I waited a moment. Then took my fingertips and gently pushed his semi-hard cock upright while I lowered my wide open mouth straight down over his cock, without even touching it. Just exhaling – mouth completely down over it… His cock stirred more. It was starting to get bigger and I just kept my mouth open as wide as possible so I wouldn’t touch it – I was afraid he was going to wake. But his cock just kept growing, and soon my warm, moist mouth was completely engulfing that awesome cock as it grew to totally fill my mouth (I had to back off a bit ). His cock grew to be a full 7” hard-on and I was basically sucking him off! I came up for air, and took my fingers away to let his dick rest back on his abs now that it was so huge… I gently licked his cock, and kept using my fingertips to lightly tease that top ridge, his head, and sometimes lightly his balls – as it just started to pulse and even stand up from his body at times… When it would stand up like that, I would ever so slowly move my mouth, lips, and tongue up and down his rock hard shaft. His body was totally still, amazingly, and yet his cock was completely throbbing. I kept my mouth up and down motion going and used my fingertips to gently push down on the base of his dick, making it grow even bigger. It was really throbbing now. In fact, precum was dripping out and I licked it a bit to try it out -- it tasted awesome. I looked at his face and it was the picture of peacefulness. Nothing seemed to indicate that he was in the middle of getting his rocks off by his roommate. His cock just kept pulsing and throbbing, sometimes holding a pulse for a couple seconds – I kept my mouth moving up and down, licking and sucking, knowing that this couldn’t go on much longer. I took a break and checked him out, all up and down… -blam!-… His torso seemed like it was tensed up, his sixpack was showing, his arms seemed stiff – but his eyes were still peaceful, his face blank… I hovered my hands over his body and then gently put my mouth over his cock some more, while still lightly touching his abs and then pecs with my hands… I even used a little more saliva on my roaming hand’s fingers and lightly teased one nipple – which made his cock jump straight up. I ‘might’ have even heard a tiny moan or sound – but wasn’t sure, he was otherwise totally frozen stiff and looked out solid. It seemed like he had to be just seconds from coming – I used my fingers of one hand to hold the base of his cock gently upright while I slowly lowered my mouth over its entirety one more time and sucked on it solid. At the same time, I took my other hand and went back to teasing the top ridge of his pulsing cock when my mouth was moving up and down -- He was totally about to cum and I was keeping him right on the edge. I didn’t want it to end – If he’d been awake he probably would have been begging me in desperation by now… But he was asleep – so he just kept hovering on the edge like this, and I just keep torturing… until his breath became even more still – almost like he wasn’t breathing at all. I pulled up so that my mouth was clamped down on just the top half of his cock, twirled my tongue all around on his ridge, and just hovered… ten more seconds of tongue twirling like that and his cock exploded – shot after shot of hot cum, down my throat. Not a sound. Just pulses of cum. And it went on for like 8 or 9 full pulses as I tried to swallow up all the evidence and wait for the moment to pass.

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    • Coincidentally enough, I re-read the Knights of Cree story last night. I think you may have been one of the ones that weren't going to be killed off.

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    • Here's some interesting words and stuff you might want to use in describing: tearing mind-numbing torture he thrashed about his mind was filled with noise tears paralyzed

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      • 0
        Do about one about sucking a dick [spoiler] she was taking his sweet lifeforce pleasurably...[/spoiler]

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        • 0
          omg i'd help but i'm 2busy :(

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