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10/21/2013 7:16:47 PM
3

The Holy Warrior (story)

[quote]Terence kneeled, looking at the grass in front of him. There was a lone dandelion swaying in the light breeze. He wondered if yellow and red were a good mix of colors, he guessed it probably didn’t matter. The dandelions don’t live that long, and he wasn’t about to pluck it up and give it to some damsel as a gift. He had more pressing business to attend to, he focused his attention away from the life issues of the dandelion. He swung the visor of his helmet down across his face for protection and unsheathed his sword, which he named Destruction, and then he unleashed his greatest war cry, “I WILL KILL YOU ALL!!!” With that he sliced the head off of the closest enemy. But these were not regular enemies that you would find on a battlefield in year of our Lord 1407, these were vampires and witches. The dandelion withered immediately after the spray of black blood hit it. Terence wasn’t expecting the blood to be black. He swung his sword again regardless of the color of the blood. The grass turned black and started to smoke from the streaks of blood being whipped around. The witches started mumbling phrases apparently attempting to put some sort of curse over him, but Terence was invincible to spells and curses of vampires and witches. His mother, out of great love for him, put an incantation on his body and soul that turned him into the perfect warrior to fight witches and vampires. He was destined to do this; this was his duty in life. Before he came to this field he had soaked Destruction in holy water. The witches and vampires stood no chance against him. Limbs, blood and corpses littered the battlefield. The air was filled with smoke, the sky was black, the sun swallowed by clouds of bats. Terence was a legendary warrior known throughout the land. Today was the day that all evil creatures gathered in the daytime despite their hate for the light. Terence was here to put an end to their evil plots. They could not beat him. He was indestructible, swinging his sword this way and that. No evil thing would be spared. At the end of the day, he would return as the victor, he would purge this place of all evil.[/quote] Judge my story

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  • -distant yell- Booo you suck!

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    • If you want my honest, brutal advice? It's shit. Do you want to know why it is shit? It is different to everything else you have written in terms of genre and plot. If you want to be a writer, you need to choose an idea, plan and develop it and then absolutely stick to it for the next 200-odd pages. Don't worry, this is quite literally the hardest part of writing - at least it was for me. I never used to emphasise planning and routine, but it's absolutely vital. Develop an idea you like, plan a plot and [i]stick to it[/i]. When it's done, then is the time to make it good by editing it all over at least thrice.

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      • hey, you should post in this thread.

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