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12/5/2012 10:42:44 PM
13
Been practicing poetry.(Rate my poetry)
This is the last time the paper meets the pen. No more wasting my breath on some no good heartless chick. I've wasted too much time spitting out these rhymes it feel like suicide. The mere thought of you running through my mind is slowly killing me inside. Girl you walked all over me like the dirt beneath your feet. If you believe in true love why don't you believe in me? Your loves a prison I'm trapped inside these walls concrete. But I've served my time. I'm breaking out of my life sentence, complete.
I think I'm good pretty good. Rate? Posted this in another thread actually.
[Edited on 12.05.2012 2:44 PM PST]
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Fix the "out out" and you're gold!
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Sounds like a song. Probably is.
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It's alright, make it better and enter it into something.
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Recite this to a girl you like. Enjoy getting laughed at again.
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Do some proof reading, but otherwise, stick with it! You've got talent. :)
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Hey, I know you already posted this in my thread but I'll just reply in here. I think it's actually really good if you're any good with music you should try putting a melody on it and see where that gets you.
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One of the most important things in poetry is form, and your form is horrible.
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[quote][b]Posted by:[/b] YourdogdiedLOL Hey, I know you already posted this in my thread but I'll just reply in here. I think it's actually really good if you're any good with music you should try putting a melody on it and see where that gets you.[/quote] I'm learning how to play the guitar currently. I just need to learn how to tune it, and play chords correctly.
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[quote][b]Posted by:[/b] Kurosaki_Kun [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] YourdogdiedLOL Hey, I know you already posted this in my thread but I'll just reply in here. I think it's actually really good if you're any good with music you should try putting a melody on it and see where that gets you.[/quote] I'm learning how to play the guitar currently. I just need to learn how to tune it, and play chords correctly. [/quote] If it's an acoustic/electric (the one with an input yet can still be an acoustic) just buy a tuner, there's also tuners that have a speaker that detects the sound, and the last way I know of that works is the 5th fret method, tune you low E string to a low E note on a piano or something alone those lines, and for every string below it make it sound like the 5th fret of the string above that. For example if you have your low E string tuned play the 5th fret of that string, and then pluck the A string normally and just tighten or loosen the string until they both sound about the same when doing that.
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Cliche. Sucks.
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It's certainly got a nice flow to it, and like a lot of other people I think it would work better as a song. As I was reading it, I sorta wanted to burst out into song. A bit of acoustic guitar, a few tweaks, and you're set! [Edited on 12.05.2012 3:24 PM PST]
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[quote][b]Posted by:[/b] VitalHalofreak Recite this to a girl you like. Enjoy getting laughed at again.[/quote]
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Umm, not very good in my opinion. And damn it, if you're planning on saying this to a girl, don't.
