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Trentonimor

Trentonimor

7/17/2012 4:49:11 AM
Hi, Gallery forum. I don't really come here a lot, but I recently wrote a story and posted it on the Flood, where the response was largely positive, before realizing that this would be the correct place to post it. So I'll just put what I posted there. "Recently I have found myself becoming increasingly bored, and I thought I'd spice things up a little bit from my usual routine of video games and the internet by way of writing.. a story! This is all just for fun and for something to occupy me, so I just thought I'd share it. It's probably really bad, so if you don't like it, at least you'll get a good laugh. I have no previous writing experience, so feel free to mock. Though some constructive criticism would be appreciated. I'd just like to get better. Also, keep in mind that I use a LOT of unnecessary, big words in my writing. I'll try to work on that. So.. enjoy, I guess. *STORY BEGIN* At first I could see nothing but darkness. Nothing lain before me but a blank, black emptiness. I was confused. Disoriented. I knew not where I was, nor who I was - and for the moment I had no need to find out. Regaining my senses took precedence over all else. I attempted moving my arms to no avail. Then my legs which followed suit. Baby steps, I reminded myself. You cannot run before learning to walk. Fingers? Toes? I began asking myself these questions, but I was met with no reply. Unable to control my body, I did nothing. Have I been paralyzed? Or perhaps this is but a dream. A cruel trip I am being taken on - simply left to watch. For a length of time I did nothing. Listening. Breathing. Boredom and confusion and darkness ate away at me. It was agonizing. And cold. So very cold. It felt like I'd spent hours inside my frosty tomb, when in reality, it could have been mere minutes. Faint, odd sounds began to resonate in my eardrums. Beeps and bops. Strange words I did not understand. In fact, I did not understand much at all. I tried to reach back and found myself grasping at air - a gaping hole in my memory. I couldn't remember anything about myself, or my past. Anything before confounds me. But I would not have time to contemplate this any longer. In an instant, an unimaginable blur of blinding white light flooded through transparent solid and into my eyes. Squinting did little to help the blinding agony I was in no way prepared for. Not surprising after the darkness I had succumbed to for so long. As my eyes adjusted the light faded, but I was left with it's imprint - burned into my vision. It was circular. If I stared into the light long enough, I could certainly make that much out. Moving my attention away from the bright circle, it appeared as if I was suspended at the crossroads of an immense border. One such border between two contrasting states. The first, in which the circular source of light resided, was unimaginably vast. Incomprehensible. The vastness complemented by small specks of light. Dots upon dots spreading across all of which I saw. The dots began to fade as they reached the glow of something. .. different. As my attention veered upwards, I became engulfed in a vast expanse of greens, whites, and blues. They filled the surface; whites shifting and waving in various lofty chunks, but only playing guest to the great enveloping shades of green sitting in uniform - forming the majority of the strange world I saw above me. Sisters to the green, large bodies of blue dotted the landscape - dull with variety but vibrant in color. Unlike the rest, the blue served as a subtle reminder, reflecting the other's image back at them. Bleak and shady, the greens encompassed the light azure. And the lofty chunks, rebellious to the green, flowed where they pleased amongst the ever-outreaching sea. Awestruck by it's beauty, I seemingly ignored the increasing temperature in my cage. I did, however, notice that the mighty world was getting closer and closer at an increasing speed. The white getting so close I wished to feel it in my grasp. I began to feel a force slowly coming over my body. The area in which I viewed the world became heavier. It became bloated, and my arms and legs felt as if they being pulled downward. The pressure was immense. It was in that moment that I realized I was falling. *STORY END* So, it wasn't really that long, and I could've gave it more detail, but I thought it was okay. It would be great if any of you could give me tips to improve on. I also pose some questions. What do you believe the story is about? Where is it set? Who is the person telling it? They might seem very basic, but I showed it to a couple people and they didn't know what it was about. Though most did. Discuss."

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