Your mission in the Destiny Beta is complete. Your next adventure begins on September 9th, with the official launch of Destiny.
A - Aliens. The government locked some down there because we couldn't figure out how to kill em. B - Bacon! The Others keep their secret stash down there. I smell "hope" and it smells like delicious bacon. C - Children. Those pesky Others steal children, stick them down there and force them to make cheap plastic toys that they sell at truck stops. D - Dancing. There's a reason the hatch was sealed.... Locke isn't on the Club Black Rock VIP list. E - Elephantitis. Rather than let people with freakishly large testicles roam the island, The Others locked them down there. F - French. During the war, a scared group of French decided to run as far as they could from the Germans and hide in a bunker on a deserted island. G - Groundhogs..... from the future. These groundhogs build sophisticated bunkers instead of digging holes in the ground. Don't ask me how they travel thru time too. H - Hope. Locke finds "hope" in the bunker. It then rips his head off and drinks his blood. I - Insects. A plague of locusts is unleashed on the planet. Way to go Locke. J - Jesus. Jesus has returned for the faithful! Why was he in that bunker?! I needed a word that started with J!!! K - Krispy Kreme doughnuts. Mmmmm.... doughnuts. L - Lasers. The island survivors have stumbled apon the set of the James Bond movie Moonraker. Cheesy laser fights in space ensue. M - mulTiplayeR. Charlie and Claire have been sneaking in for late night sessions with Halo 2 for months now. N - Nothing. That's right, a long ladder to nothing. Show's over. O - Oprah?! That -blam!- is EVERYWHERE! P - Pandas. The Chinese government set up a special panda breeding area deep undergound in a last ditch effort to save the dying species. Hurley eats all of them.... freaking fat bastard. Q - Queen. Somebody decided to show Freddy Mercury what being under pressure REALLY feels like. R - Ramadan. Sayid finds the land of perpetual ramadan. He fasts all day and parties all night. S - a Still. Jack and Locke just blew the lid off of the worlds largest still. Now how in da hell are we s'posed ta keep da racoons out of the moonshine? T - Turkey Pot Pie. A god among frozen dinners, these delicious pot pies have been preserved for years under the cool shade of The Hatch. U - Underwear. Clean pairs of boxers and briefs. Hurley has to stitch together 4 pairs to make himself one comfortable pair. V - Valhalla. The Vikings were wrong. Valhalla is actually in the South Pacific, not in Asgard. W - Women. Now Locke can get him some. That's what he meant by "hope". He was hoping to finally get laid. X - X-Files. Scully and Mulder are hanging out on the island. As usual, Mulder was so obsessed with aliens that he was too busy to try to get it on with Scully the whole time they have been locked in there. Y - Yams. Yeah, I'm starting to struggle here at the end. Yams. WTF. Z - Zanzibar. Locke finds a computer that will only log on the the Halo 2 Multiplayer forum. He kills himself three days later after reading nothing but WangMan threads.