DISCLAIMER: In spite of what Ziff Davis claims in the 1UP show today, the following is what actually took place. I will swear to it on a bible, or in an affidavit. Anyone who follows the Bungie Humpday Challenges knows that Ziff was trying some lame chicanery here. The stats, the timestamps and the data speak for themselves. Not only did they try to count our last "for fun" game as a real one, they neglected to mention that I wasn't even in it, after being ejected by Max Hoberman. But let's not dwell on that now. Just look at the facts. They made a vital mistake. they drew first against superior gunslingers.
GAME ONE!
Game 1 Stats 
Team Slayer on Tombstone - 4/18/2007, 6:39 PM PDT
- Length: 00:08:52
- Tone: Tentative
Thing about EGM, or let's more properly say Ziff Davis, since this group included Mark and Shoe from EGM, Rob from GameVideos as well as their hairy little talk-monkey, Luke Smith from 1UP.com. And talk he did. About how he was gonna hand our heads back to us on a platter, served with fine French butter.
The thing is, in this first game, they basically didn't. They were playing against myself and Sketch, as well as Max and Shishka from Certain Affinity, and in fact, they tried to call shenanigans on Max and Shishka being in the match, but I think it's important to note than Max and Shishka are an L337 businessman/CEO and an artist, respectively. Not the map or game designers. And another thing - the Ziff boyz had been practising since the maps released. This was our first ever team-up with Max and Shish. For reals.
So it is safe to say, however unlikely it may sound, that Ziff knew the maps way better than at least Sketch and I. And yet, on Tombstone, we served them up cold, like the eponymous frozen pizza. All we did was grab whatever we could find and shoot them with it. A lot of BRs and a lot of grenades. Nobody did any sniper or rocket hogging. It was all manly menz, fighting to the death.
Final Score: 50 - 36 Bungie Wins
GAME TWO!
Game 2 Stats
Slayer on Ivory Tower - Playlist: Arranged Game
- 4/18/2007, 7:13 PM PDT
- Length: 00:12:20
Now there's some history here folks. You see, and I'll be blunt, once upon a time, Bungie got spanked in Ivory Tower. By Ziff boyz. They owned us. Not only did they own us, but the mortgage was paid off, they were carrying the deeds and they bought a yacht with the equity. We were hard owned. I don't remember the score. i don't want to. All I remember was the screaming and the owning.
So we flipped it around. We started poorly. They crushed us gently for a bit, like a refrigerator door on a bunny rabbit's head, but we wrestled our way out, and attacked, Night of the Lepus -style. We did what you do on Ivory Tower. We held the high ground, like that emo kid didn't from Revenge of the Sith.
I could hear them crying below, like orphans in the rain, outside the window of a mansion. We didn't even toss them our crusts. Every now and then, a pale-faced, dirty guttersnipe would pop his hydrocephalic head around the corner, and we would put it out of its misery. Revenge is a dish best served awesome.
Score: 50 - 45 Bungie wins
GAME THREE!
Game 3 Stats
Slayer on Desolation - Playlist: Arranged Game
- 4/18/2007, 7:23 PM PDT
- Length: 00:07:51
Alright, we lost this. fair and square. They regrouped and fought back as hard as they could. It was academic, of course, since it's a best of three event, but it was a great game. Close as it's possible to get. with eight players running around with 49 kills apiece, any team could have one. In this case, the gods tipped the mana in Ziff's direction and they took it by a margin of one kill.
Score: 50 - 49 - Ziff wins