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  • Subject: The 10 reasons that ODST will fail (that nobody saw coming)
Subject: The 10 reasons that ODST will fail (that nobody saw coming)
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www.jaelrocks.com

Of course this list is fictitious and feel free to add your own.

1. Bungie sells in-game real time advertising which is bought out for the first three months of the games launch by High School Musical and the Jonas Brothers

2. Your marine has a bumbling side-kick that knocks over trash cans, alerting every nearby enemy and says 'aye aye aye, mumma mia!'

3. Your marine cries 'YIPPIEEEEE' just like Anakin Skywalker from Star Wars Episode 1 every time he picks up a grenade which eventually makes you avoid picking them up.

4. Aside from the SMG, all other weapons can be unlocked via the xbox marketplace for 80MS points each.

5. The part where you challenge the Brutes to an illegal street race in order to free your marine buddy.

6. The part when the Brute chieftain loses the above mentioned race and takes off his helmet and starts jumping on it and cursing his Grunt pit-crew.

7. The horrible fishing mini-game you need to complete to unlock the final level.

8. To bring in sponsorship revenue, you marine gets health back by drinking Mountain Due and occasionally says things like 'Boy, the Covenant don't know what they are missing out on with Mountain Due's smooth refreshing taste'.

9. About 90% of the cut-scenes are sung.

10. The fact that you earn points for doing stunts on your Mongoose and that you can earn score multipliers by linking tricks together.

Edit: I've been laughing my guts up at your additions to the list. I haven't laughed this good in a forum in a long time. SUCCESS!!!

Yes, I know I spelled Mountain Dew wrong, I was tired when I wrote it but I'll leave it in there so that the several posts pointing it out retain their context.

Also, I wish I had a dollar for every time someone typed 'fail' on bnet. It's just getting so old. Also, I like how the haters are totally outnumbered by people who enjoy this thread and that they have nothing that original or witty to say so they just end up looking desperate and cute. Keep it up, keep posting fail comments cause it's pretty funny in my opinion.

And now, some community gems hand picked by not_so_tuesday (cheers mate)

117. The whole game is one massive Rick-Role.

49. The Brute Pimp makes you its hoe half-way through the game

50. Every time you sprint for over 10 seconds, your player's side cramps and you have to lay down for a minute and eat a banana.

19. The entire game lasts for 32 minutes and is just one big quick time event.

40. Ashley Simpson takes over Marty O'Donnell's job as the composer for the sound track for ODST.

31.You are constantly forced to listen to the disney channel radio over the city speakers.

11. Swiper takes all of your guns and ammo and throws them across the city unless you say "Swiper no swiping!" three times

191.Marines will be able to pick up the BR, but when you try to pick one up, a plasma pistol appears instead.

512- The final level consists of fighting Tartarus' twin brother Suratrat in a Dance Dance Revolution contest. Lose at DDR and your head gets automatically crushed by the Foot of Tkur (Suratrat's gravity Crowbar) . Win at DDR and you still have to kill him the old fashioned way because he's a sore loser.

625: After finding all the becons, you must then do it again, but in a wolf form, then after you've done it that way, you have to do it yet again, but you can switch between the two!

156: One of the aspects of the game is clearing the rubble by rolling it into an ever increasing in size ball.

11. After you complete all vidmaster achievements and check to see your awesome new Recon, Its not there. Then Bungie says its a glitch that cannot be fixed.

32. In the opening cut-scene, the Rookie asks Dare if he can haz rEcOnZ, so she bans him. And your console. Forever.

18. On the third mission, Dare commits suicide after checking her P.D.A only to find hundreds of thousands of messages asking how she obtained the helmet and if they can "has."

37. The final boss fight is against Susan Boyle.

(My Own) 45. The Rookie suddenly has a Big-Mac attack and spends the rest of the game hunting down a McDonalds rather than searching for clues.


[Edited on 06.08.2009 11:10 PM PDT]

  • 06.07.2009 4:04 PM PST

I Tend To Sweat Under Hot Conditions...

A new threat.
Make your own armor.
Stares in disbeleif.

So don't buy it. You don't have to talk about something you don't like.

  • 06.07.2009 4:06 PM PST
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"Wherever the enemy may tread. They shall tread lightly... For we are closer then they think... and our blades are sharp...
Brothers! War calls you, will you answer?"

Spartan-995 to his company before the battle of crows nest

Yeah what he said!

  • 06.07.2009 4:07 PM PST

***INCOMING MESSAGE FROM DURANDAL***

You are about to see what no human has ever seen...

***END MESSAGE***
***JUMP PAD ACTIVATION INITIATION START***
***TRANSPORT WHEN READY***

49. The Brute Pimp makes you his hoe halfway through the game.

  • 06.07.2009 4:08 PM PST

| Memoirs of an ODST | Halo 3: Insurrection | True Sangheili |

| Precursors are Humanity Theory |

You should check out the above threads, after all, it's 100% free. Now with less than 78 calories!

Hahahahahahah

  • 06.07.2009 4:08 PM PST

this is a joke thread you guys, and i find it to be rather funny

  • 06.07.2009 4:09 PM PST

Gt:DoUGotGame33
Posted by: b00m_headshot
They didn't tell us what it was it could have been anything. Frankie gets scared easy incase you didn't know.

-BH-

Posted by: TheSpartangod11
did i just get pwned?

Posted by: Siffera13
So don't buy it. You don't have to talk about something you don't like.

Are you daft? It's clearly a joke thread. Did you just read the title and not read any of the post? God, coming here is starting to make me realize just how stupid the rest of the human population is.

  • 06.07.2009 4:09 PM PST

"May Mother Sanghelios watch over us all" - High Councilor Srax Zolak of the Sangheili Armed Forces

Oh lolz!
If any of you took this seriously you just simply fail. I love how people don't read and post.

  • 06.07.2009 4:10 PM PST
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hah, i thought you were for real before i clicked it. this is really funny. =]

  • 06.07.2009 4:10 PM PST

Posted by: Siffera13
So don't buy it. You don't have to talk about something you don't like.

You clearly didn't read any thing but the topic title...

  • 06.07.2009 4:11 PM PST
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"Wherever the enemy may tread. They shall tread lightly... For we are closer then they think... and our blades are sharp...
Brothers! War calls you, will you answer?"

Spartan-995 to his company before the battle of crows nest

Posted by: Almstask8r515
Posted by: Siffera13
So don't buy it. You don't have to talk about something you don't like.

Are you daft? It's clearly a joke thread. Did you just read the title and not read any of the post? God, coming here is starting to make me realize just how stupid the rest of the human population is.


Me too....

  • 06.07.2009 4:11 PM PST
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"Wherever the enemy may tread. They shall tread lightly... For we are closer then they think... and our blades are sharp...
Brothers! War calls you, will you answer?"

Spartan-995 to his company before the battle of crows nest

Posted by: Almstask8r515
Posted by: Siffera13
So don't buy it. You don't have to talk about something you don't like.

Are you daft? It's clearly a joke thread. Did you just read the title and not read any of the post? God, coming here is starting to make me realize just how stupid the rest of the human population is.


Me too.....

  • 06.07.2009 4:11 PM PST

Its a bird, its a plane, no wait! Its just a bird.

11. Bungie implements real-time weather effects, including a random natural disaster every 13 minutes.

  • 06.07.2009 4:11 PM PST

"May Mother Sanghelios watch over us all" - High Councilor Srax Zolak of the Sangheili Armed Forces

Posted by: Spartan995
Posted by: Almstask8r515
Posted by: Siffera13
So don't buy it. You don't have to talk about something you don't like.

Are you daft? It's clearly a joke thread. Did you just read the title and not read any of the post? God, coming here is starting to make me realize just how stupid the rest of the human population is.


Me too....


Why do you think we have access to soo much manual labour? xD

  • 06.07.2009 4:12 PM PST

Four shots, four kills, reload, repeat. This is the work of a sniper.

I thought this was going to be some kid complaining, its actually kinda funny.

  • 06.07.2009 4:14 PM PST

| | 4,2k Members | | Council Member of MBT | | The Strogest | |
▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀ 7RUTH, CARNAGE, MBT ▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄

Do or do not... there is no try - Yoda

Rofl at fishing minigame. xD

We all know it will fail since you will have the SuperIntendant above your head all the time screming "Hey" "Hey" "Hey" "Hey".

  • 06.07.2009 4:14 PM PST
  •  | 
  • Noble Heroic Member

Oid you know?:
Your humiliation is my amusement.
Your loss is my gain.
Your death is my birth.
FACT:
90% of the so-called "facts" are ideas made up on the spot.

Posted by: old bad dog
Fail thread is failing.

Yeah, the OP is an idiot.

  • 06.07.2009 4:15 PM PST

Posted by: Shadow of JaeL

7. The horrible fishing mini-game you need to complete to unlock the final level.


I actually rue the lack of a mini fishing game in modern titles

Posted by: Shadow of JaeL
9. About 90% of the cut-scenes are sung.


That made me do a lol :)

  • 06.07.2009 4:15 PM PST

|^^^^^^^^^^^..||____
| The STFU Truck |||""’|""..__, _
| _____________ l||__|__|__|)
|(@)@)"""""""**|(@) (@)**| (@)
that is the most brilliant thing i have ever seen posted on the forums
AGGRO-BLUE~2nd in comand of the The Shadow League

11. you die a terible death by bungies assasins

  • 06.07.2009 4:18 PM PST

| | 4,2k Members | | Council Member of MBT | | The Strogest | |
▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀ 7RUTH, CARNAGE, MBT ▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄

Do or do not... there is no try - Yoda

Posted by: Tripod
Posted by: old bad dog
Fail thread is failing.

Yeah, the OP is an idiot.


You both fail at reading OPs...

  • 06.07.2009 4:19 PM PST

play for keeps

21) during the final boss battle, a Master Chief with invincibility comes and kills you with firebombs grenades--he then begins to teabag your dead body, which prolongs your respawn timer to infinity

  • 06.07.2009 4:19 PM PST

Gt:DoUGotGame33
Posted by: b00m_headshot
They didn't tell us what it was it could have been anything. Frankie gets scared easy incase you didn't know.

-BH-

Posted by: TheSpartangod11
did i just get pwned?

I just realized that Bungie had a character named the Prophet of Truth. Now there's a character named Veronica Dare. What if we get to play Truth or Dare in ODST? (Said in Caboose voice)

  • 06.07.2009 4:21 PM PST

162. A single grunt takes out the whole squad and then the grunt wears Dare's recon helmet.

  • 06.07.2009 4:21 PM PST